"Why can't we turn the page?" — Nneka, The Uncomfortable Truth
My tongue keeps running over the stitching string in my mouth. I went to the dentist on Friday expecting to be told that I had too much tartar and that I needed to floss more. That happened. What also happened, though, was a surprise extraction of the leftover root of a tooth from a previous visit with a different dentist. I haven't been in much pain since but I have been uncomfortable. There's this nagging numbness. The occasional odd bite when I forget to eat mostly on the other side. But there's this string that my tongue can't seem to forget about no matter how much I want to get it out of my mind. It's constant and annoying and a distraction. It'll be there until I heal. Then it will simply fall away.
Which brings me to another mostly uncomfortable week at work. Outside of Wednesday, when I felt like I was starting to make sense of the new normal, I was mostly caught up with feelings. Feeling like we're still in this middle ground between what was and what will be. Feeling awkward in meetings with friends and colleagues who were leaving at the end of the week asking them how to do their jobs. Feeling sad and celebratory with many of those same colleagues as we said goodbye. And goodbye. And goodbye. And goodbye. "Good luck and good fortune," I would say to those who were going on to new adventures and I meant it but it never seemed enough. Not enough recognition of their contributions to our mutual success over the years. Not enough recognition of the peculiar situation we were in. Not enough recognition of my own sense of loss.
So, I've spent the weekend mostly in my head. Reliving those moments. Preparing myself for what is to come. I'm excited. I'm nervous. I'm uncomfortable.
I'm reminding myself that usually when I feel that way something big is about to happen. I like big. I do well with big.
And I'll be ready.
The Week In Review
- The Best Thing I Saw This Week: was definitely not Sucker Punch. Friday Night Lights, however, continues to be awesome.
- The Best Thing I Heard This Week: James Blake's debut was very interesting and it, coupled with The Cosby Show teaching me how to dance to it, has made this coming week's playlists very dubstep focused.
- The Best Thing I Read This Week: The City & The City is complicated and weird and very good.
- The Thing I Read This Week That Most Resonated
I have no intention of apologizing for believing in people, for insisting that we all use this moment and these assets to create some art and improve the world around us.
To do anything less than that is a crime.
Why? Because that's how I try to live my life. No regrets. No missed opportunities. No letting my nearest and dearest lose out on living their best lives because of their own self-doubts. I believe we only get one shot at this. Let's make it count.