Jason Toney

checka, checka, skin-tone checka

"I will not go *aaahh* in class..." - Charlie Brown of the L.O.N.S.

which box are you checking?: George is linking to some very interesting articles dealing with racial identity. Back in the day when I was a teenager (before I had status, before I had a pager), I really despised the check boxes. I was really uncomfortable with putting "Black, Of African descent" or "Black/African American" or whatever the hell else the put on college applications. It was just a weird idea to think that because I had one of the top SAT scores among 'black' high school students in 1992 that I was desirable. Nevermind that I had a pretty damn good score amongst all students of all colors, I really was only competing with other black students. Application fees waived, fed exed packages from schools I wasn't even considering...

Come here you smart black boy, we need you on our team (cuz if we have you, we don't have to consider the rest of them)

...all because that black kid has a kick ass verbal score.

Verbal score?! We don't get many of those. The black ones are good with their hands and with figures. Make a damn fine engineer. Maybe a doctor or something. But a black one who knows the difference between "except" and "accept" and can use 'apocryphal' correctly in a sentence. My good sir, we have hit Blackjack!

Ha ha ha. Ahem, James, that's a funny one. Blackjack. Whoo. I would have gone with Jackpot there but you turned it around and made it racial. Your mind. Such wit. I'll call you Witty Whitey.

HA HA HA. You've got your own humor there, Marshall. Ahem.

My first two years of college, I refused to check any boxes. Never. I got in a debate with my Social Research professor about why every one of our assignments started with a racial category. I argued at fast food restaurants.

What can I get for you brotha?

How do you know I'm your brotha?

I, uhh, its just an expression. Look at your skin, man.

Oh, so now I gotta be black cuz my skin is dark? How do you know I'm not Middle Eastern or a native African or some shit?

Do you want some chicken McNuggets or something, man? I've got a line.

Oh, so now I gotta like chicken? You got some watermelon for me too? Goddamn. I should run a protest through this bitch right now. And just so you know, I'm not using 'bitch' as a disrespect to women, but as a disrespect to dogs so kiss my black ass.

But I thought you weren't black...

Oh, now I'm not Black? First you wanna sell me some chitterlings or some shit and now you want to deny me my racial identity. I'm telling you...where's Al Sharpton? Eddie Bauer, Denny's and now this shit. When I'm done, Ronald Mcdonald will be in black face wearing a dashiki.

I was confused man, confused. But now, I don't know. I proudly check the box. It has nothing to do with somebody else defining me but how I define myself. And Black, of African descent is exactly who I am and who I want to be.

was kazaam really that unforgivable?: I still don't understand how people can't love the Daddy. He spends his summer's learning how to protect and serve and now he wants to make sure folks can get and keep affordable housing. Plus, he don't fake the funk on a nasty dunk. Give the man some love one day...please? So what he's got a superman fetish. He's not alone.

my last comment on American Idol for the week: And I'm not hating on the guy, its just...well, I can see the truth. In twenty years, Justin will be this man. I'm just sayin'.

hi-teknology

"Never do what they do" - The Unstoppable Roots Crew

a hi-tek production: So after battling with the cable company for the last 8 weeks or so, I now have Hi Speed Access. Its wundermous. I may never leave the house again. I just have a question though...why did it take the cable guy 2 hours to set it up? I give you the 40 or so minutes to drill a hole in the wall and run cable and turn on the fiberoptics on the roof and whatever but why did he come in and have no idea what Thandi was? He noodled around for 15 minutes before asking me What Operating System is this?...heh heh, I don't see many macs... Then he calls someone to get some tips but they couldn't help him. So I'm in the living room reading Newsweek ready to go as I have somewhere to be and he's just staring blankly at the computer screen. I know this because 15 minutes after the last clickity clack on the keyboard I walk in and he's all, How do you load a CD. Jesus Cristo on a Hockey Stick, man! So, I load it myself, show him that it works and sign a bunch of papers saying he didn't screw anything up. How could he? He was scared to touch the silvery beauty.

But the high speediness is loverly. It really really is. Not so lovely were the 169 spam and virus messages I got in about a 4 hour time span. Whoo fun.

I'm listening to American Idol blaring in the other room. Christina Christian is beautiful even if the vibratto bugs a bit (but from tonight's performance it sounds like she's working on it). Tamyra Gray is too good for this competition. Kelly Clarkson though? I would let her move into my house and drive up my phone bill today. The killer voice, the smile and still goofy grounded? Aww yeah. I know, Justin, justin, justin. But, you know what? What genre does he fall into? What could you see him singing? Not that many male artists are successful when they are that in love with themselves. I think there's only room for one Lenny Kravitz. Who was the last solo male singer not named Lenny with a genuine pop hit? I'm drawing blanks on that one.

And from now on, that kind of snarkiness regarding television will be the property of snark!fest. I'm getting syndicated after a fashion. Baby steps to publication, baby steps.

Austin Powers in Goldmember. The best part of the film, by far, is my man Verne Troyer. The Goldmember character isn't funny. Beyoncé. Wow. Its not that she's a hinderance to the movie. Its just that while everybody else is either acting or over-acting when appropriate, she is play-acting all the time. I didn't even appreciate Fred Savage or Seth Green. Oh, Fat Bastard got some chuckles outta me. But there are really long portions of unfunny. There's a lot of really bad product placement. Frau (my other favorite character) didn't get to do much. Blech. Move on. Gimme M. Night's movie and Full Frontal this weekend with a big helping of xXx the following week for my action film fix.

Blame Aaron: He has me hanging out at places like the right wing news and ending up in the same comment thread with thoughts like this. Ugh. But, I will buy something off of someone's wishlist if they can find me a truly funny right winger. And I mean funny like actually witty and makes you laugh intentionally. Not funny in an ironic, crazy cracka kinda way.

Why is he so happy? J. explains the Joe Boxer commercial very well. Why IS he so happy? Because he got to move into the big house? Cuz massa don't beat him no mo? Because somebody told him white boxers on a black man is sexy? Why you tell Harpo to beat me? Because he let Joe Boxer put this shit on tv, that's why. Tell 'em Shug.

alright, time to go download some mp3z, warez, gamez and any other illegal shit I can find. Come get me ya bastards! Information is for everyone!

in these troubled times

"Ya'll betta pay big mama for usin' these lyrics" - ODB on Ghostface Killah's Bulletproof Wallets

hrmmm...before I begin, everybody knows Big Baby Jesus is a prophet right?

So, I was having Dim Sum today with some folks, only one of us knowing any chinese and as I sat there watching Chewie order for us, teach us how to say "We want no more shrimp" (I really wanted to know how to say There, one must say nix but apparently that line is only funny for me and the diva living) and basically being a super gai jin in the middle of the san gabriel valley, I came up with the idea for a sketch. The concept is a commercial for a Dim Sum restaurant run by a white used car salesman type (you so. cal cats, think cal worthington) and the closing line would be a testimonial from one of the middle America customers saying, "Marge, them Orientals can cook some food but they sure cain't win a war" (*wink wink* *nudge nudge* to the honky slut and p'lette) because hiding social commentary within thinly veiled racist jokes is both fun and edumacational. Maybe I'll write out the entire sketch tonight and post it. Or not. I can't give you bastards everything.

Did I mention that I want to pitch a sketch comedy show to BET called The Porch Monkeys? Think Robert Johnson would get it? Or would it be like 'The Boondocks says' all over again? Think I could do good sketch comedy with an operating budget of about 4 dollars? Know any hungry cats with the sensibilities of Tim Meadows or Warren Hutcherson that might want to run some sketches with me? Damn, I need to get in the scene, man.

By the by, I've added some research materials for my new sketch comedy obsession to my wishlist. I'll probably be buying the books and DVD's myself in the next two weeks, but I wouldn't be opposed to receiving them as gifts either, ya know?

because if I steal a joke and you've never heard it before, its new to you and I'm the funny one: A San Jose radio station suspended a shock jock for his kidnap remark. The station then apologized for the statements. How does that apology go? We're sincerely sorry for this, we never imagined that when we hired a 'shock jock' that he would actually be shocking.

Is anyone else unhappy with the state of Sex and the City this season? If Carrie Bradshaw says "In these troubled times" anymore, I might just take my American flag down from above my bed and lose my sense of patriotism. You see, in these troubled times, its important that we never forget 09-11. In these troubled times, its also important that we know that the economy is in dire shape. In these troubled times, you better remember that the catholic church is having a tough go at it. I guess for me, the closet anarchist whose pockets are just as heavy as they were a year ago who is without a religious affiliation, these times are pretty damn good. Or at least pretty much the same as they were before everyone started calling them troubled. The world doesn't revolve around me? Oh. Well, it doesn't revolve around you either, Carrie Bradshaw. Kiss my ass. Or at the very least don't use "In these troubled times" twice in 30 minutes, ok? Thanks. 'preciate it.

quick shots: michele has boobage. kd and skarlet gave tons of good info about protecting our rights on their blogathon blog. George is back and he's prolific this weekend. Wood is speaking the unspoken truth.

last question: I know Mike Myers is funny but E! ranked him ahead of Steve Martin, Chris Rock and Richard Pryor? Whatchutalkinbout Brooke Burke?

sick day?

"Working for nothing, trying to get something...I don't wanna go to work today...but I gotta get up" - Jill Scott

I'm debating. I have no projects on my desk at work. I turned in my time card yesterday. Bailey's been at home by his lonesome a lot maybe today's a 'freedom day, huh? Or maybe I'll just roll through real late....decisions, decisions.

Talking about synergy: Over dinner, the honky slut warrior and p'lette and I discussed strangers with candy. Jenny mentioned that Sarah Jessica Parker had been on David Letterman talking about her friendship with Amy Sedaris then last night Ms. Sedaris was actually on The Late Show. I fell in love. She's brilliantly psychotic. Then come to find that Aaron also mentioned Amy and SWC and my favorite character from the show yesterday as well. Synergy? Yes, Jem? (bonus points: Melly (get in my belly!) went on a mad ebay search for jem and the holograms dolls)

hmm...I'm going to play some hot shots golf 2 and watch Amélie before I make a decision about work.

I'd rather stay home and play video games....but I gotta get up!

UPDATE: I didn't get Amélie in the mail from netflix instead I got this.

Not bad even with Alec Baldwin's over the top performance as the bad guy. It at least held my interest.

oh, and I'm working from home today...I should probably go grocery shopping now but that would require me to get dressed right?

you know my steez

"And all of my life...I been thuggin' with you." - Kool G Rap with Capone & N.O.R.E.

Oh. My. Great. Guggamugga. For some reason I hadn't picked up Soundbombing III until today. What's wrong with me? Every time I get frustrated with Hip Hop I am reminded of what it can be when its inspired. And funky. Its gots ta be funky. My Life is just one of those play over and over again while you're riding in your car scaring old ladies as they roll up next to you tracks. This album also reminds me how much I'm fiending for the upcoming Kweli solo piece, the new Common joint (formerly called Electric Circus now titled The Isness. Peep game. damn...new peep, its back to the 'circus' thangs done changed.), anything with Mos Def attached and Tip's Kamaal the Abstract. Hip Hop. On my block. Damn, I want to break dance so bad right now and bomb the side of our production offices with a hot burner. beat street breakdown *ruh*. (bonus points: Scarface's new joint - the video is hot - and Swizz Beatz' new one too - even if the video isn't hot but is instead busted by copying a whack ass commercial that wasn't cool but corny. But the beat on Bounty Killer? Hot to death.)

Tomorrow night's the Temple Bar. Saturday afternoon is the L.A. Avengers. Sunday is looking like some dim sum. That's a hot weekend, huh, cats? Fo'rilla.

I'm taking a week off from August 12th - 16th. I'm not leaving town (at least not yet) its mostly so I can volunteer on the phones at KCRW for their summer pledge drive for a couple-few mornings. All you L.A. kids who have like free time and stuff should figure out good things for me to do with you. I'm wide open with all kinds of free hours.

4 truths, 1 lie: donald and the michele with one 'l' also played. Oh, and the originator was frank.

Oh and I'm sponsoring kd for the blogathon. I'm feeling a supreme need to 'give back' as it were. Weird.

And 'Oh' again...with internet radio stations starting to dissapear under the fear of having to pay mad dollars to the wonderful RIAA, I thought I'd suggest some. dublab.com, live sf djs, and the still wonderful spinner.com. The music industry is really pissing me off, yo.

Now, excuse me while I go plot how I'm going to take over the tv airwaves with some friends and a good idea and no money.

 

the reveal

"I got more lines than cocaine, that's why you sniffin'" - Hi Tek featuring Talib Kweli

alright cats and kittens, now that we have j, michelle, courtney, aaron, prime, e j, and popcorn all playing, I'll go ahead and do my reveal. It may be a little too TMI for some of you so I'm sticking it in the more...read at your peril.

4 truths, 1 lie

"Night time is my time for just reminiscin'" - Nina Simone

Unceremoniously gacked from the brotherlove...

1. I was homeless for 4 months my senior year of college.
   
2. I was arrested but never charged with check fraud.
   
3. I've had sex in 4 office buildings during office hours in 3 different states and the district of columbia.
   
4. I drove Coolio around DC before a concert I was promoting so that he could find some "Big Titty Black Girls"
   
5. I have worked in the adult film industry...and kinda dug it.
   

lyndsay star...the finale

Through the fire, to the limit - Chaka Khan

random knowledge of the day:Do you know what the term 'kitty' (as in the pot in card games like Bid Whist) comes from? I didn't until today when I read Ray Charles' explanation of it in Q: An Autobiography of Quincy Jones. Six-nine aka RC aka Mr. Charles writes...

...sometimes we'd work at clubs for the kitty, which was tips that people would throw into a tin can or wooden box shaped like a cat's face with its mouth wide open and a light inside.

who knew? Nobody could every explain that to me when i was being taught Bid Whist as a kid...now I know.

random word of the weekend: supple

random saturday: My sister came over and we did mad cleaning. Top to bottom. Moved furniture. Steam cleaned carpets. I have pictures of before and after but i don't think I'll post them until we actually move in my new (well, new to me with cool Trading Spaces style slip covers courtesy of Moms) couches. We then had dinner with Courtney and saw eight legged freaks which was surprisingly good. No brain food here but if you want to laugh, jump out your seat and feel like spiders are crawling all over you...peep this one. Been a long time since I jumped in a movie theater (not since the first Jurassic Park I don't think) but I did in this one. Courtney got to see the crazy one in action and she wasn't even that crazy. A very good day.

random allowance: If you see me on the street and I happen to say dig and mad or cats and kittens and possibly change the paradiggum too much just tell me to shut up and find new words. Go on...you're allowed.

random event of the week: This Friday Night, the Temple Bar in Santa Monica. 3 bands, 2 of whom I love (The Soul of John Black and Medusa and Feline Science), 10 bucks. Its Funk, Its hip hop, its a hot joint, its where the sexy people hang out. You know you wanna be there. I'll be there. Come be with me. I'll probably roll in there about 8:30/9.

I feel like I've forgotten something but its late...just go read the finale of Lyndsay Star. Pts. 1 and 2 in case you missed them.

mixed bag

"Do you like my tight sweater?" - Moloko

*editor's note -- I tried to do this earlier today but mozilla randomly crashes in XP (I blame Microsoft...I'm sure they are pissed I'm not sticking with the IE nation) so now I'm writing it in dreamweaver, although if I were doing it on my laptop I'd probably be using wallaby, the new html editor I'm trying out.

Lyndsay Star, Rock Detective is almost complete. The third installment should go up sometime over the next two days. I spent much of last evening editing the first 2 sections (for language and tone and exposition and contraction) after I watched antitrust on dvd. Hmmm...maybe that's why I'm having anti-MS feelings today. OPEN SOURCE FOR ALL!

*self as editor's note to self as writer: stay away from the words just and really. Remember that passive voice sucks. And so do adverbs, most of the time.

I love this story. I don't really know why, its just making me smile today. although I do find it oddly disturbing that a WNBA star and myself file in the same tax bracket. She works way harder than I do. Its making me uncomfortable. Let's move on.

I'm still trying to process that Al B. Sure has a website (courtesy of prime). With Chico DeBarge and Mario Winans maintaining careers maybe light skinned singers are creepin' on a come back. Some may not rejoice.

blogtastic:

• I forgot to note lisa's post earlier in the week (scroll down to the quote from the wind done gone). It reminded me of the struggles I'm having with the crazy one and gave me pause.
• Lynne discussed Michael Jackson awhile back. New Times LA takes it further.
• Steve Lopez from the LA Times has some really great commentary regarding the Morse Incident and specifically about the reactions of people to it.
• If I had motivation and better genetics, I too could look like Xavier (you'll know him when you see him). Thanks J. for ruining my self-esteem but raising me up again by actually calling me a writer. I'm a bit overwhelmed.

 

i'm not watching you

"She doesn't need the glamorous life...without love, it ain't much" - Sheila E.

I was having this discussion yesterday, online of course, where most of my deep discussions happen, about the HIV+ muppet (I'm finding it weird that its called the HIV muppet and not the HIV positive muppet but whatever) and I was explaining why we, as Americans, shouldn't care anyway and the person said "Well, most major news outlets were reporting that the muppet would be coming to the U.S." Now this was a huge shock to me. I'd read about it in the nando times and the Boston globe and USA today and the sfgate and my local, conservative daily news not to mention the story I had heard on the radio on all things considered. None of those major outlets had reported that the muppet was coming to America's Sesame Street. In fact, most of them had reported that there were no plans for this to happen as it didn't seem necessary for our rather large community. So then I decided to check some other places. Good ol' Daypop, which I just started using this week as a news search engine, also tracks the news channel websites (abcnews, cnn, foxnews, etc.) and they all reported using the erroneous Reuters story that mis-paraphrased the representative from Children's Television Workshop. Considering just about every American newspaper as well as the BBC, the CBC and most other international news bodies reported the story accurately, it occurred to me that the news channels must have known that the story was accurate but its not a juicy story unless it gets Americans up in arms, right? Yeah, I'll stick with the NPR newsfeed on my beloved KCRW, thankyouverymuch. (bonus points: check out Oliver's little note about the media synergy surrounding the 'news' of Sex and the City premiering this week.)

Am I the only one who almost always has to go back to the main page of a site before I can leave it to go to another page? Like if I click on an individual post on a blog, I have to go back to the index page before I can jump to another blog...i'm weird right?