Jason Toney

Jason's Big Post of Life Lists

"I hope that you're the one/If not, you are the prototype." - Andre 3000 (Outkast), Prototype (Speakerboxxx/The Love Below) Top 5 thoughts while watching/listening to the California Recall Debate. 1. Arnold really is an ass isn't he? 2. Cruz really is a condescending ass isn't he? 3. Something's wrong when McClintock and Carnejo are the people making sense. 4. Arianna's the coolest candidate. Too bad she can't win. 5. My gosh. I think I'm going to vote for Gary Coleman and not feel bad about it. Top 5 Songs of the right now 1. Prototype - Andre 3000 2. Oooh Wee - Mark Ronson featuring Ghostface Killah, Nate Dogg 3. Cussin', Cryin' and Carryin' On - Ike & Tina Turner 4. She Lives in My Lap - Andre 3000 5. The Way You Move - Big Boi featuring Sleepy Brown Top 3 things I've written that you don't know nothin' about 1. Vibe.com - Civil Brand 2. Snarkfest.com - Las Vegas 3. Time Wastin - The Love Below Top things that I haven't had time to write yet 1. A review of Interview Magazine 2. A review of "Being Michelle" 3. The short story "Take It Like I Give It" 4. A review of Jimmy Tha Joun 5. A recommendation letter for a former intern (sigh! I need to get on that) Top things I've been doing at home when I get free moments 1. Sitting. 2. Throwing away a lot of shit (by the by, anybody want a juicer?) 3. Thinking about Soul Caliber II 4. Arguing with myself about whether or not I should be spending an hour trying to clear 1 mission of the game. 5. Tae Bo II Advanced 1 and 2 workouts 6. Threatening to throw Bailey out the window if he doesn't shut up right now. 7. Dreaming about work. WTF? Good Movies I've seen on DVD 1. Holes 2. Confessions of a Dangerous Mind Bad Movies I've seen on DVD 1. The Hunted 2. A Man Apart Albums playing on the regular right now. 1. The Love Below 2. The Love Below 3. Here Comes the Fuzz 4. Superfly Soul 5. The Love Below 6. The Love Below 7. Murder 8. The Love Below 9. Don Cello and Friends 10. Duck Season Vol. 2 (nahhh, I'm lying) really, it's all about The Love Below

real quick with the rss

Some ridiculous horns from The Afro American Ensemble, Gone is the Laughter of You (Superfly Soul Disc 2) Hey you, yeah you with the movable type rss feed. Could you do us all a big favor and replace your rss template with this really nice one from etc. The link is right here. I know you're rss feeding from me. You likes right? It's lovely. It probably even updates in your reader when someone comments or trackbacks so you don't have to return until that post you read is fresh with new perspective. Why don't you do the same for me? Thanksomuch.

a little more cream, a little less coffee

"That's all it took then they were instantly hooked right in/And they connected with it cuz I looked like them" - Eminem, White America (The Eminem Show) So, last post, I said, Didn't we play this game last year? For those who don't know...we did in lots of different ways. Lee, whether intentionally or not, takes me and others to task for language choice:

What he says loud, I cannot whisper. I'm not allowed to say, "I'm white and I'm proud." If I did, someone, maybe a lot of someones, would label me a racist, a bigot or a white supremist, and those same someones would go to great lengths to explain why I shouldn't be proud of my race, which by some accounts isn't a race at all. White just is. But Jason is right, we have had these talks before. The circle went round and round and round, and no matter what the white folks said or how carefully each one chose his or her words, someone, even the other white someones, found fault within the statement. And besides, a "white" opinion doesn't count anyway, right? How could any white man possibly understand the plight of a black man? All the while, the white folks were suppose to grin and bare the name-calling: cracker, honky, bigot, racist, among others foreign to me, and yep, I bowed out early on. I guess I don't grin and bare insults none too well.

She's right. One of the truths about discussions of race in America is that, right now, minorities control the language we use. One of the most frustrating words to me is "colorblind" but it's a 'safe' word for white participants. People might disagree with you but you're not going to feel guilty about wanting to look at people for the "content of their character" rather than the "color of their skin." But nobody's going to take me to task for using the word "cracka" (well, maybe somebody will) and nobody's going to take a white person seriously when they are using the word "nigger" (although, that's not always true, either) and, while I get frustrated by it more than anything because I've been having essentially the same conversation for 10 years, the semantic arguments about race are necessary to make people feel safe and comfortable expressing themselves at the diversity table. And I still like the words diversity and multiculturalism. For me, the concepts that lie within those words have always worked well. It's about seeing life from different perspectives, trying to understand how those perspectives came about and why. That does not preclude you from still making value judgments about things...but as I said to Ms. Jones earlier today, the more information you have, the better a critical thinker you'll be. Often we want to make choices without learning anything. We'd rather judge first. Seems simple to me.

deja vu

"My life was booby-trapped, it's hard to see the beauty" - Dead Prez, Psychology (Let's Get Free) George Junior says:

What I�d like to figure out, is what people mean when they talk about race. I know what I mean when I use the word, but I often get the strong impression that other people give it a different meaning or use the word in a way I find hard to understand and accept. I�m not saying there isn�t a problem with race in America, there clearly is. I understand that prejudice and discrimination exist and that they promote inequality and social exclusion. I am not blind to the very real difficulties that large numbers of Americans face on a daily basis when confronted with the ignorance and bigotry of some of their fellow citizens.

Yesterday there was also a list of questions about the definitions of race that he asked but, I assume, he no longer wanted the answers as they no longer exist. I was thinking about those questions for the majority of the day yesterday, though. I was going to answer them by not answering them. I'm conceding that we'll likely not have a common definition for race. But even if we did all agree on the definitions, what would it matter? How would it change how we interact. How would it affect how we view skin color and each other? Would it change the reality that the black experience in America is completely different from the white experience in America? Or, to expand that question to those who regularly use the word "colorblind," if race doesn't matter, would you choose to be a different one? Chris Rock suggested that no white person would switch places with him and he's rich! I know people who disagree...they say, "I'd trade places with Chris Rock in a minute. He's rich and famous and funny." I have to remind them that the point is that making that trade isn't about being rich or famous or funny. What Chris Rock is saying is that nobody white would choose to be black. Making that trade is not about exchanging wallets but about exchanging histories, about choosing to be on the losing end of an unfair deal. And, as a black person, whose people, whose ancestors, whose leaders have spent the entirety of their existence in America trying to define themselves differently than the majority sees them, I can't imagine why anyone would want to choose anything other than the racial identity they were born with. I say it loud, I'm black and I'm proud. But, maybe that's one of the big differences. Blackfolks (and we're talking America here, the problems of black/white racial identity that we have are rather unique) have had to create an identity from scratch, an identity that is built on color. Just think about the songs, the poems, the stories that resonate amongst and about black people. We have to remind ourselves that we are beautiful, that we should be proud of who we are, that we are not how the larger community views us or has viewed us in the past. And that's why race is important for me. Whatever the definition.

it's a blog thing, you wouldn't understand

"For a generous fee, make your world what you want it to be" - Curtis Mayfield, Pusherman (Superfly Soul) What Does it Mean to Be a Black Blogger? Hmm. It means letting your soul glow, letting your skin show. It means not biting your tongue. It means understanding that race is a factor. It means, whether you want it to or not, being a spokesperson. It means being an individual. It means considering what the world looks like from your perspective as a black person and saying it loud. What Does it Mean to Be a part of the Black Blogging Community? It means feeling safe to say what you want to say. It means being challenged in ways you didn't expect. It means comfort. It means having an expectation of similar cultural and historical currency. It's the silent nod that lets you know that in a sea of supposed "color blindness" and "anonymity" somebody out there knows what the fuck you're talking about and why you're talking about it. What Does it Mean to be Black in the Blogosphere? It means that sometimes when you speak everybody listens. It means that often people will get defensive about your comments because of who you are more than what you said. It means that things will turn racial when you didn't expect it. It means there will be a lot of semantic arguments rather than substantive discussions. It means having a lot of 'splainin' to do. It means being able to segregate from the larger blog community if you choose to and still feel like you're part of something. It means risking spontaneous combustion from the frustration that occurs from the sheer number of times that people just Dont. Get. It. What Does it Mean to have a Journal with Bloggish Tendencies? I'm still trying to figure that one out. Vision is my web-log, this is my journal, time wastin' is my review space and sometimes they all intersect. Why I need to have 3 places to share my thoughts...I don't know. It's a blog thing. You wouldn't understand. And this probably gives no insight to anyone except myself. But that's just a NegroPlease thing. You wouldn't understand.

queasy like sunday morning

"Scandalous, money, greed and lust/in this trife life there's nobody you can trust" - Gang Starr, Betrayal (Moment of Truth) We're not even going to deal with the fact that I'm still unclear on what it means to be fighting a "War on Terror" but I caught the tail end of FOX News Sunday this morning and Tony Snow said something to the effect of

"And there is no doubt that we will win the War on Terror. Remember that."

Now, nevermind that it seems like a presumptious, and decidedly questionable, statement for a news journalist to make when those facts don't seem to be in evidence, it got me to thinking -- how, exactly, could we lose the War on Terror? With a nebulous enemy and a cloudy ultimate goal and no real way to define victory or failure, isn't it just up to the government to declare what parameters constitute a victory and will we, as constituents, be in a position to argue? Can't the President just come out one day and say, "The War on Terror is over and we are no longer afraid." ? And conversely, isn't it also a war that can continue as long as those in power want it to? There's no diplomacy necessary, there's no peace treaty to be had, there's not even a country to take over and claim ourselves the victor. So, much like the move from Afghanistan to Iraq, can't the President just announce that there is a new threat somewhere else? That the lap of terrorism is now in Iran or Saudi Arabia or whereever else we might like to send young men and women to in the middle east? Or maybe we'd just like to use the War on Terror to battle those who strike fear into the hearts of citizens in the good ol' U.S. of A. or maybe politics has moved down the slope from simply playing on our fears to cultivating them? Because, really, I can't imagine what would qualify the "war on terror" as lost yet Americans are still afraid, still unwilling to ask the hard questions, and if they are asking the hard questions, still unwilling to demand truthful answers.

from santa cruz to san quentin

originally published just 10 days ago, 09.01.03. Here without edits or additions. Well, I left my motel room, down at the Starkville Motel, The town had gone to sleep and I was feelin' fairly well. I strolled along the sidewalk 'neath the sweet magnolia trees; I was whistlin', pickin' flowers, swayin' in the southern breeze. I found myself surrounded; one policeman said: "That's him. Come along, wild flower child. Don't you know that it's two a.m." They're bound to get you. 'Cause they got a curfew. And you go to the Starkville City jail. - Johnny Cash, Starkvilly City Jail (At San Quentin) We'd had our fill of Pink Godzilla Sushi and drinks and melancholy conversations at the Red Room. We'd attempted a far too chilly early morning run and eaten a far too tasty breakfast at Walnut. We'd ventured into the GAP (We're in a GAP buying shirts and sweatshirts and leather belts in Santa Cruz...how wrong is that?) and walked along the main drag of downtown SC discussing how things had changed and I imagined that my thoughts about the weekend would be reflective as I considered the beauty of my friends and their friends and the miracle that is the sound of our laughter (whether it be our guffaws over the talking buffalo and country music at big bad bubba's bbq or our exchanging notes as we caravaned south down the 101). But then The Lovely Miss Anna Baby, looking and being especially lovely this weekend, strolled into a record store and purchased Johnny Cash At San Quentin. As we played the disc over and over again in her silver mini, my thoughts went from reflective to introspective as I finally got the appeal of The Man in Black. Maybe it was reading the liner notes and getting the perspective of his family, friends, and fans as they captured what it was about his several visits to San Quentin that was so special. Maybe it was listening to him and his slow Tennessee drawl as he bantered with inmates and guards alike connecting with all of them. Maybe it was June Carter Cash describing him as "tall, lean and mean" and also "the voice of lost souls." Wow. What I kept thinking about as I tried to mimic his voice (and tried to master the way in which the Statler Brothers sang the chorus of Ring O' Fire) were the parts of my spirit that I ignored, that I pushed down, that I hid. I don't consider my soul "lost" but he was definitely communicating to those wayward portions of it. The parts that stay afraid. The pieces that avoid conflict, that don't have an outlet, that feel as if they were confined in a place as horrible as San Quentin. I love the connection he made with me. I hate the weakness in myself that I found in that conversation. If only I could shake this fear. If only I could set my spirit free. As Johnny Cash discusses the inspiration for Starkville City Jail, he says, "You cain't hardly win, can ya?" Nope. Doesn't mean I'm going to stop trying, though. My Labor Day Weekend was wonderful. How was yours?

the harsh light of day

"Come and sit down beside me and hear my sad story, I'm shot in the breast and I know I must die." - Johnny Cash, Tear Stained Letter (American IV) "What will you regret that you didn't do today when you go to sleep tonight?" - Buffy Most of the time I feel detached from the events of 09.11.01. As detached as one can feel. This morning, though, I woke up to the sounds of young people calling out the names of those who had died on that day in that tragic way. Each pair of kids would read out names until they got to the names of those related to them and then they would, most often, end with "We miss you and we love you." I was struck by two things - by the resolve of the children who were able to so deftly get through what must be an incredibly maudlin experience and by the diversity of the names. Men, women, american-born and foreign, varying hues, varying economic backgrounds, wide spanning uniqueness and togetherness all rolled up into one. So, I put on my Paul McCartney "Back in the US" tour tee with the American flag shaped in a thumbs up on the front. Not a political statement but a quiet recognition of the salad bowl of lives lost. My regrets when I go to bed at night? That I haven't said "I love you" to the ones who matter. And that I've spent too much time saying far less important things to the ones who don't. I'll regret it again, tonight. Or not. I love you. May those words reach the ones who I would like to hear it and give a little joy to those caught in the crossfire. It's a drive-by loving and I'll be your aorta bomber. I've got my heart strapped to my sleeve and baby, it's ready to blow.

Midnight Marauders

"We be the crew that posess that ol' wicked instrumental" - A Tribe Called Quest, Motivators (Beats, Rhymes and Life) So De La Soul, one night after co-headlining the first day of San Diego's Street Scene, rolled into the House of Blues for a midnight show on Saturday and my head exploded. Not only did they rock several tracks from 89 (now that's a long time) including Me, Myself, and I (which they had retired from shows for several years but which now features a new verse that, if my brain synapses were firing probably, is political in nature talking specifically about our current foreign policy). Then they moved into the Stakes is High era and after a great performance of the title track, Common flew onto stage to rock his verses of The Biziness. He then seamlessly moved into The Light with the sold out crowd singing the chorus. If E. Badu had come out at that point, I would have died, but I would have half expected it. I was not prepared for what was going to go down about twenty minutes later. Pos and Dave, with Maceo working the turntables, went back and forth through time sprinkling tracks from Buhloone Mind State and Mosaic Thump and all the way back to 3 Feet High and Rising. They did a shortened rendition of Buddy (one of the two most killer Native Tongues posse cuts) and then moved on...so there was no reason to even think about any of the other Native Tongues being in the spot.

salivating

"Just as sure as the sun will shine, every morning, every time, don't worry, girl, I'm a take it from here" - Justin Timberlake, Take It From Here (Justified) Ever been working so hard you forgot to eat? Yeah, it's one of those weeks. If you're home during the day next week, however, you should take a gander at le show. No, not that Le Show. Does anybody have a Snickers bar? Cuz, you know, a Snickers really satisfies. Soul Caliber II is also supremely satisfying and has usurped Rayman 3's position in my gamecube. Not that I've had much time to play this week. Except for Tuesday with The Trues. I call Kirin and his bad ass staff from here til eternity and you will take it like I give it! Will somebody please give this poor body a snack? Some fruit, a slice of cheese, somethin'? Watched Blue Crush last night. It looks pretty but I still liked it better when it was Gleaming the Cube or even Breakin'. Not nearly enough Michelle Rodriguez to maintain my full interest. Also caught Bowling for Columbine early Monday morning. You can't find a meal at Time Wastin' but you can find my review. My kingdom for a sandwich! Hrmmm, I'm not a king but I guess I should mention that I am now a director of web development. I bought a new tv for my crappy apartment because I figured a television executive, if he's going to have a crappy apartment, should have a kick ass tv. It does kick ass. It does not, however, kick these hunger pains. Good thing I'm going here tonight for someone's 32nd birthday. MmmmMmm Garlic Rolls.