From July 1st, 2003
Look Who's Not Talking, Too
Aaron, who took time from pretending to not read Harry Potter, posts...I mention the politicians because most of them somehow managed to secure primo spots towards the front of the parade, when I was still somewhat alert to what was going on. And even if participating is purely a symbolic gesture on their part, it's a better gesture than bitter complaining about the Supreme Court decision last week.and I responded firstly with...So what page are you not on in the book-that-will-not-be-named?and then added quickly...and I would comment on the political items in your piece except that I've been ignoring politics ever since your blogging has gotten sporadic and I feel much lighter in spirits. Speaking of spirits...is that nearly headless Nick over there?It's been a long time since I've taken a critical look at culture, politics, society, or some other big, weighty issue here. I've thought about it but when I start googling around the web looking for things, I usually end up frustrated, annoyed, and tense. I spent a lot of time last summer dealing with matters of race and politics and all that like I was back in my sociology classes. For awhile it was a release...and then it wasn't. It became a chore. A chore that didn't make me feel better once it was done. So, at least for now, you probably shouldn't come here expecting those kinds of things. There are thoughts rumbling in my head -- like how I've started to consider how inneffectual the word "nigger" has become to me since the onslaught of seeing and hearing white people and non-black minorities use the word towards each other sincerely or hearing a crazy white singer use the word over and over again as part of a chorus to one of her crazy songs and what part hip hop plays in that -- but, yeah, right now I'm not going to write about it. At least not until Aaron starts posting again and I get all riled up. It's just not important enough to me at the moment. The most important question is this: Having your first gray hair show up in your nose means it doesn't really count, right? Yup, that's what I thought. Posted by Jason
So. . . I'm the Official Instigator? A heavy responsibility, this. Unfortunately, I'm with you on the becoming-a-chore thing. That's one of the reasons I've been so quiet lately. And yes, your gray hair has to be on you haid for it to count, Negro. posted by Aaron
What I'd really like to say right now:
That sometimes this online blog world is way too big. That I wish some of ya'll would shut the fuck up for a minute so that some of us can process this without having to hear your "I didn't know Aaron but send some condolences" blather that you've posted. Do you honestly think that helps?
I know you mean well and that there are good intentions and all that...but, really, I want to scream out, "Quit Staring!" and give you the stink eye.
I'm sad and angry and frustrated and it's hot as holy hell here and I spent all day talking about this completely fucked up thing while trying to have a normal life and everyone I know that I want to hug and cry with do not live here and I got a flat tire on the way home from work and my friend is fucking dead and I dont understand.
I may really regret this later and apologize for lashing out but everywhere I look there's a fucking trackback or comment from some stranger and I've had my largest stat day of the whole year all because someone died and I can not wrap my head around that.
So, you know what, "Stop Fucking Staring!"
Blogging is a damn addiction. I hate this shit so much right now and yet I don't know how else to get this out.