Jason Toney

Yesterday's Lesson: Lazy Bastard

"With the world on my shoulders it gets hard to relate." - Jazzanova, What Do You Want?

Photo by Chai.

There are six bags of clothing ready for Goodwill sitting on my patio right now. In the last 6 months, they've gone from my closet to cluttering my bedroom to the living room and now outside where they just might sit another day even though this is the last day of the calendar year, I could use the tax break, and more importantly, there are people out there in need of clothes and shoes.

Laziness has plagued me my entire life.

Yesterday's lesson was titled Be Generous Even When Your Instincts are Lazy. This is something I'm going to have to work on. I'm charitable with my money but stingy with my time.

The Lady is in town and no one would begrudge me that we're doing cheesy beach walks and enjoying Chinese take-out and breakfast making and bad daytime television amongst the other treats of our time together but...those clothes are sitting there.

As I'm generous with those closest to me, the better thing -- the right thing -- would be to have just as much zeal and passion for doing for others.

And yet, those bags aren't inching any closer to more appropriate owners.

Maybe they'll make it there before we go see Doubt this afternoon.

Sadly, I doubt it.

Today's Lesson: Lady Eloise Said It's OK

"Because I'm gentle doesn't mean I'm not strong." - Soul Children, Don't Take My Kindness For Weakness

I spent the early morning thinking about what my life would be like if I were more kind. Not just considerate and charitable but more helpful, empathetic, and present in other people's lives.

Everything was all sunshine and rainbows until I imagined interactions with the dim-witted. I'm not sure I've got the moral fortitude to go out of my way for stupid people.

I'm not talking about the mentally challenged or the simple. Hey there, Corky and Simon, I've got all the time in the world for you.

No, I'm groaning in my head for those of us who are obstinate in their stupidity. The ones who wear being difficult and refusing to find solutions like a badge of honor.

I was listening to KCRW yesterday and Tom Schnabel played part of an interview with Eartha Kitt from 23 years ago. Amidst all her sexy R rolling and pointed, honest discussion of her own racial identity and attitudes came this insightful nugget:

I'm not prejudiced against anyone...except stupid people. If you're stupid -- if you don't have an open mind -- I'm prejudiced against you.

So, while I'll look for more little old ladies to help across the street or friends and family in need of an ear or a hand or a hug or that woman who was about to lay down to slumber next to the ticket booth at the Los Feliz Theatre last Friday -- one of the coldest nights of the year -- who I thought about offering help but didn't, while I will challenge myself to take on those moments to be kinder, I will not feel obligated to help the stupid.

It's what Catwoman would've wanted.

Today's Lesson: The Better Business Bureau

"Hear me. See me. Feel me." - Mos Def, Grown Man Business

Day 2 and Rabbi Telushkin catches me unawares, hitting me with the right hook of a question, How do you handle your business, man?

Not well, I fear, but before we get to me...

I was listening to KPCC yesterday afternoon and came across Patt Morrison's program where they were discussing, in the wake of the Madoff Scandal, the concept of the ethnic scam or Affinity Fraud. The conversation centered primarily around the amount of outrage and shock from the Jewish community that another Jew could do such a thing. I, however, was most interested in the comments of a Black woman who called in and talked about how she felt duty bound to frequent African-American businesses even when she felt like she was getting less than stellar service or respect from those establishments because, if she didn't, who would? I hadn't thought about it much before but I suppose we all make these kinds of choices when deciding who we will do business with.

And, earlier today, I referenced on friendfeed amanda palmer's recent blog post about her frustrations with Warner Music's relationship with youtube. Several people chided her for her choice of working with a major label in the first place and, essentially, suggested she should grin and bear it. With Today's Lesson in my mind, I disagreed.

For Ms. Palmer, and I'm sure many other artists, the belief is that Warner Music Group isn't at all interested in her interests even though they've entered into a relationship where they should feel obligated. The most tenuous relationships we have, perhaps, are centered around the business transaction. More often than not, we must enter them on faith. Faith that the person we are doing business with is trustworthy. Faith that the services or good are of appropriate value. Faith that we both will hold each other's interests as if they were our own.

And despite identifying with those artists getting screwed over by the man, I have to be honest, then, and say I'm not always that conscientious business person. I don't have a healthy relationship with money. I don't pay much attention to my own beyond knowing that I generally have enough to do what I need to do but I don't handle it with care.

That lax behavior is apparent in certain parts of my life. It's one of the few significant stressors I have but one that I've accepted and tolerated without much desire to change my behavior. This is likely because I've never considered it a matter of ethics.

Subtracting all the discussion of piety, Today's lesson is centered around one idea, that being reliable in money matters -- our most common interactions with our fellow man and woman -- is to be honest, fair, genuine, and considerate at a time when you have just as much opportunity to do the opposite and take advantage.

I'd do well to remember that the next time a bill with a due date and my name on it appears in my inbox.

Yesterday's Lesson: My Number is Less than Ten

"Got me feeling joy and turn my gray skies blue." - Black Eyed Peas, Joints & Jam

Michelle's Christmas gift to me this year is The Book of Jewish Values: A Day-by-Day Guide to Ethical Living by Rabbi Joseph Telushkin. I've very much enjoyed her writing about the process she's gone through in her conversion and in her journey towards living a more ethical life.

It's a goal of mine as well. I've said often over the last several years, "doing the right thing is easy," and I truly believe that but the question remains -- what is the right thing? I'm not a religious person. I don't subscribe to any particular faith or any concept of a G-d who cares how we find our way to salvation, whatever that may mean.

I do, however, think that we have a duty to ourselves, to the universe, and to each other to try to be better every day. Better human beings. And, fundamentally, that's an ethical equation.

My mother and I had a animated discussion about our approaches to life, inspired by the challenges she's having with the church they are attending and by my holiday letter, and we had this exchange as she told an anecdote about someone she works with and admires:

"What's your number," she asked.

"Huh? What do you mean," I replied.

"That's what JT asks. He'll be walking through rehearsal and he'll say, 'On a scale of one to ten, how are you doing? So, on your best day, what's your number?"

Thinking back to what I consider my finest days and the joy they brought me I replied quickly with a "Ten" and then, thinking more, said, "Nah, a nine. Maybe 9.5."

"Why'd you change your number?"

"Because if those days were a ten, I don't have a chance at having a better day."

"Exactly!"

And so, while the first day's lesson challenged me to think about how I react to the sound of sirens and, ultimately, to think about how I care for my fellow man and woman, whether I know them personally or not, I spent most of the day thinking about that conversation with my mother and this quote in the introduction of Telushkin's book,

"If you are not going to be better tomorrow than you were today, than what need have you for tomorrow?" - Rabbi Nachman of Bratslav.

I'm doing something with this book that I've never done with another book -- highlighting passages, marking it up, using the margins. This is truly a workbook.

So, let's go to work.

Paranoid: Fighting Uncertainty with Synth Pop

"Don't worry about what we can't control." - Kanye West, Paranoid

Falling in line with my calling Kanye West Artist of the year and after the many conversations I've had online about the merits of 808s & Heartbreak comes my first song love affair and the first entry on what will be my 2009 end of the year song list 12 months from now.

Living the long distance relationship thing means battling through some of the anxieties of a romance at a heightened level. The fears of breaking up and growing apart get amplified. Some days, it seems impossible. The work of it is too hard.

Which, of course, is bullshit.

If it's right, it's right and we shouldn't be afraid of the big things. We shouldn't shy away from the infinite possibilities for us. We should face them head on. We should ignore the things we can't control.

But, that's hard to remember when you can't look someone in the eye, hold them in an embrace, present in physical form your steely resolve.

Some days, words aren't enough.

It was right after one of those challenging moments, that the synth blips of Kanye West's most upbeat track caught me off guard. He, Mr. Hudson (who doesn't need Autotune), and Kid Cudi take turns on the chorus pleading, "You're always worried about the wrong things, the wrong things."

Its what I tell myself when I'm weak. Its what I hope she knows in her more doubtful times.

Actually, what I want her to know is this simple refrain, "I got you."

And so, when this is released as the third single from the album next month remixed as a duet with Rihanna and it blows up as the biggest single from the Album remember I told you so.

"Baby, don't worry about it. Lady, don't even think about it."

Artist of the Year (2008): Kanye West

"Everybody sayin' that we need somethin' special. Nah, man, we need something extra...terrestrial." - Kanye West/Malik Yusef/Maroon 5, Promised Land

808s & Heartbreak didn't make my top ten albums. No West track made my top ten songs (and I'm already questioning my inclusion of Love Lockdown at #12 considering it isn't even my favorite song on that album) and, yet, here we are. Here's what I know: I don't think any songs were able to pick me up more this year than the combination of Good Life and Champion. Graduation was an album I avoided because I wasn't in love with Stronger (an odd instance where I don't think 'Ye was able to make his source material his own) but consistently I find myself upgrading my review of the tracks on that collection. Songs I thought were no good are now good. The good after multiple listens become great.

And when I look at my listening landscape of the year, I realize, West has his fingerprints all over it. Does Estelle's American Boy make the same impact without his appearance? Do I care to care about Weezy without Kanye enhancing the Lollipop remix (a song I totally hated until said remix)? Does Rhymefest get to make that incredible Michael Jackson mixtape without the guiding influence of West on his career? I don't think so.

People can complain about his egomania or whatever the knock is on him in your gossip rag of choice today but, as soul sides notes, "Kanye West understands music better than we do."

That's real talk. Nobody understands music, particularly the popular music of right now, the way Kanye West does. He knows what's now. He knows what's next. He knows what is best about it and, like an artist, he works in it. Building. Molding. Creating experiences that--Stronger notwithstanding--can only be considered his own. And, on top of that, they are anthems. Songs that will likely stand the test of time.

murphyslaw at soul sides continues...

How else can you explain the fact that every time he drops an album, he sends the whole of the critical world into an existential crisis about "where rap music is" (or drop the "rap" and let's talk about music wholesale); they lambast his cheeky sound, his would-be populist approach, the hubris that he seems to wear just barely under the surface of his Prada. He's out of touch. He's out of his mind. "Kanye's finally gone too far," they say. "This time, he missed."

And then a funny thing happens: two weeks, two months, two years later we're still bumping those very same songs deemed duds by those in the know. Somehow the music doesn't stagnate. Tracks off College Dropout still fill headphones from Tokyo to Toronto. A witty line dropped on Late Registration is still being quoted years after the fact. And perhaps most tellingly of all--the true test of what the masses crave at their most unguarded--DJ's can still invariably pack a dancefloor with at least half a dozen cuts off of any single one of his albums. WHO ELSE DOES THAT?

All that said, I won't cosign on his awful SNL performance.

Album of the Year (2008): 19

"Daydreamer, sitting on the sea, soaking up the sun. He is a real lover." - Adele, Daydreamer

19 opens with a light, simple acoustic guitar riff. It feels hopeful but tinged with just the hint of sadness -- apt for a song called Daydreamer -- and then her voice breaks in. It's husky and powerful. The cracks and crevices of her sound suggest a world weary smoker in a dark bar who happened upon a guitar and a stage but Adele is hardly that. At just 20 years old, 19 when this album was recorded, she can't possibly have the life experience, can't possibly be delivering this from her heart. And yet, she is. She does. And she takes us there with her.

What I said about this album in July (when it was #3 on my 10 after 6):

I'm listening to Chasing Pavements right now and I'm feeling my heart hitch in my chest. It's involuntary. There's an emotion in her voice that cuts to my soul and attacks my tear ducts. She finds her way into any part of me that might well up, heave, threaten to burst. She notes in interviews that she only writes songs when she's sad or angry. That's not what I hear or what I feel. As she gets to this chorus, a theatrical overture where she nearly screams out asking if she should give up or keep on chasing, her passion becomes unbridled. She breaks free and I follow. I, too, break free.

The Top Ten

1. 19 by Adele
2. Some People Have Real Problems by Sia
3. Of All The Things by Jazzanova
4. Jim by Jamie Lidell
5. The Odd Couple by Gnarls Barkley
6. Esperanza by Esperanza Spalding
7. Narrow Stairs by Death Cab for Cutie
8. Tha Carter III by Lil' Wayne
9. Seeing Sounds by N*E*R*D
10. Loyalty to Loyalty by Cold War Kids

Some Notes: I chose only to include albums you could purchase in the most reasonable ways. That excluded two mixtapes I included in 10 after 6 and Girl Talk's Feed The Animals (although, while exciting and innovative, it proved less listenable as a full album to me over time)...Some People Have Real Problems is a surprise for me, actually. The album was popular in my spins but flew under the radar of more bombastic releases all year. During my review of my short list, however, I realized it was one of three albums I purchased this year that I could listen to all the way through without skipping and, often, would want to start all over again when finished...Take the placement of Jazzanova's full length with a grain of salt. I realize that I tend to be a sucker for the enjoyable late in the season album and have little perspective on how to place it. Right now, I want to listen to that album more than any other so I need to place it but is it #3 for the year, really? Who knows.

Some Notes about a popular album that didn't make my cut: I really really like Santogold. She is in my favorite music video of the year and everything, but her self-titled debut doesn't work for me as an album. I like most of the songs very much individually but not taken together. I struggle to get through it every time.

Last.fm Says...

According to last.fm, my Album of the Year is

and the rest of my last.fm top ten ignoring release year..

1. The Odd Couple - Gnarls Barkley
2. Cross - Justice
3. Untrue - Burial
4. Graduation - Kanye West
5. Donuts - J Dilla aka jay dee
6. Narrow Stairs - Death Cab for Cutie
7. Mark Ronson presents Rhymefest: MAN IN THE MIRROR - Rhymefest
8. Guaranteed Niceness - Sonar Kollektiv Orchester
9. Some People Have Real problems - Sia
10. Of All The Things - Jazzanova

Song of the Year (2008): I Will Possess Your Heart

"And I long for the mirrored perspective when we'll be lovers, lovers at last" - Death Cab for Cutie, I Will Possess Your Heart

I purchased the single of this song off of Amazonmp3.com when it first appeared and, almost immediately, I was hooked. That long building, driving perfect bass line layered with ambient sounds? It pushes you along. It is both eerily calm yet full of tension. There's a purpose to all of this. It is undeniable. Indefatigable. And then Ben Gibbard sings as a man who won't be denied. Eerily calm. Walking past your window. Filled with what he thinks is love.

I'm no sociopath but I love this song and it is my 2008 song of the year.

The Top 20

1. I will Possess Your Heart by Death Cab For Cutie
2. Chasing Pavements by Adele
3. Let Me Show Ya by Jazzanova
4. A Milli by Lil' Wayne
5. Everyone Nose (All the Girls Standing in the Line for the Bathroom) by N*E*R*D
6. Don't Touch Me (Throw Da Water On 'Em) by Busta Rhymes
7. Another Day by Jamie Lidell
8. Would Be Killer by Gnarls Barkley
9. Electric Feel by MGMT
10. Squeeze Me (feat. Ben Westbeech) by Kraak & Smaak
11. Gettin' Up by Q-Tip
12. Love Lockdown by Kanye West
13. Royal Flush (f/ Andre 3000 & Raekwon) by Big Boi
14. Una Dia Otra Noche by Allá
15. Black & Gold (Phones As Hard As Diamonds Edit) by Sam Sparro
16. Creator by Santogold
17. Hanging On Too Long bu Duffy
18. That's Not My Name by The Ting Tings
19. Flood Pt. 1 by The Acorn
20. A Song for Ellie Greenwich by Parenthetical Girls

Some Notes: Let Me Show Ya flew up the charts and is my favorite song of the right now...Sasha Frere Jones selected A Milli as his song of the year...Everyone Nose and Don't Touch Me both represent how I see youth culture currently. I don't know if that says more about me or more about young people...I didn't really consider this a great year for me and hip-hop but Royal Flush is exceptional...I'm not a huge fan of Duffy (and her SNL performance didn't help her out in my opinion) but Hanging On Too Long is a powerful break-up song...That's Not My Name is so good it got me to purchase an entire album by a new artist without hearing much else from them. The last two tracks are underappreciated gems.

Last.fm says...

According to my favorite music site, my Best Song of 2008 (dumping out interludes and promotional mixtapes and ignoring release year) is

1. The Good Life - Kanye West
2. Untitled - Burial
3. I Will Possess Your Heart (Radio Edit) - Death Cab for Cutie
4. Lollipop (remix f. Kanye West) - Lil' Wayne
5. Phantom - Justice
6. My Girl is a Soul Girl - Lon Rogers & The Soul Blenders
7. Chasing Pavements - Adele
8. Would Be Killer - Gnarls Barkley
9. UK - Burial
10. All You Deliver - José Gonzaléz

The Holiday Letter

Dearest Family and Friends, Acquaintances and Strangers Alike,

We live in amazing times, don't we? I'm playing my first mix of holiday music of the year -- right now Sufjan Stevens is singing Put the Lights on the Tree -- and I'm struck by the abundance of change in the last 12 months.

Let's start with the obvious: even with the serious challenges facing this nation and the world, I'm optimistic about our future. There is an opportunity to be better citizens of the world because we've elected a better class of politician to our highest office. I've remarked often since November 4th that Barack Obama and his nominees and advisors are serious people interested in tackling serious problems. They are both of this time and forward thinking. Change.gov has changed the way I interact with national policy and issues and nearly every day I'm challenged by this team to think hard about my contribution to our society. I have this geniune sense of, "Okay, Obama is doing his part. Now, I have to do mine." Being engaged in the issues that plague us all is just the first small part. I am working on figuring out what my most significant participation might be.

Romance raised it's lovely curly haired head this year. Those who have to listen to me on a regular basis know how often I exclaim "Take Risks" but this all came about from a risk I didn't take and one she did. The challenges of shifting a friendship into a romance are well known inside the green walls of my apartment but she took the leap where I feared to tread and, well, I think there's something special going on. It's brought about significant changes in how I operate around matters of the heart. I'm focused on honesty and intimacy and being better together than apart. I'm sharing. Not just with her but with those who care for me. I'm looking at every challenge as an opportunity to be amazing. And, while this is very new, I'm hopeful that she's willing to walk this path with me for as long as the journey lasts.

I've spent much of this last year thinking about my philosophy of life and while I suspect that this will be a constant internal conversation, I've distilled it to the following:

1. Doing the right thing is easy.

2. We only get one shot at this, so make it count.

3. Always be learning.

4. Be genuine, kind, and honest. All at once.

5. Don't be afraid to fail.

These five ideals have rarely put me in a position where I was unhappy with the outcome of a situation. And, regardless of the outcome, there are even rarer times that I've been unhappy with my actions in those situations.

At work, we won awards and accolades and are doing cool and interesting projects but what I'm most proud of are two things. First, I'm most proud of the team I work with. We have come together to move towards common goals, to value a positive work place, to enjoy challenges, and we've made a commitment to be better with each project. Secondly, and perhaps most egotistically, I'm proud of my own simple, private accomplishments. I've gotten better at asking the right questions, increasing my sphere of influence, and soliciting the outcomes that I think are best for our guests, our work, and our partners (whether they believe it or not). The work we do entertains millions of kids daily. I'll take that.

I must also reflect on the things I'm less good at, less proud of, shortcomings of which I'm painfully aware. I don't communicate with any of you enough. I don't think I do a very good job of showing those closest to me that I care. I haven't given enough of my time to making the world a better place. I don't do nearly a good enough job of taking care of myself and managing my life -- from what I eat to how I spend my money. I'm not deliberate enough in my private life. I want to be better at these things.

I also don't laugh and dance enough. This may shock some of you who know me but I think there's always room for more of those two things.

And so, if you'll allow, let me take this opportunity to start the change on one of these shortcomings and tell you that I love you. We don't talk or see each other enough. I hope we take the time to do that in the future more often. While I've given up on changing my relationship with the telephone, I'm very good at responding to letters, emails, IMs, texts, and the like. I'm a sucker for video chat and more than anything I love face to face communication.

I want to see you or read your words. I want to be able to react with a smile or a witty response. I do want to know what matters to you and maybe, just maybe, participate in it.

You are appreciated by me. This life, this wonderful life, would be exponentially less outstanding without your presence in it.

Happy Holidays,

Jason

Today's Lesson: Different Women Like Different Things

This is not today's lesson but this is the lesson you're going to get.