The Two Zeros: The Best Album of 2000 - Mama's Gun

"Cuz one day I know I'll be flying high." - Erykah Badu, My Life

It had been such a long time, I had forgotten that I was fly. Six years in a relationship that began in my formative years as a college student can find you lost in the woods. I had followed her lead the whole way, disconnecting from all the things that had been my life before as I focused in on what mattered to her. Her friends were my friends. Her interests were my interests. So, when all of that was gone -- I was lost.

Who the hell was I? Where were my friends? What had I been doing with my life since my return from school in DC to life in California? So, as I built some semblance of a life -- going out with new friends at work, reconnecting with high school and college age friends, doing things just because I enjoyed them and not because someone else wanted to do them -- this album was released.

At first, it threatened to be wack. My musical tastes weren't quite as mature and eclectic as they are today so that quiet build to a decidedly rock open to Penitentiary Philosophy put me on edge. I was already a neo-soul baby but I wasn't quite up on the idea of black folks rocking out (that would change) but the moment Didn't Cha Know hits...zOMG.

That smoothed out melodic entry into what is essentially a song about emerging from the bad into something better stabbed me right in the heart. I had been going through this process of rebirth but I'm not sure I believed it. I was hurting. Mama's Gun entered my CD changer in my car and became my soundtrack to and from everywhere.

In the mornings, I'd turn it up and sing loudly and wildly all the way to work.

"CAN'T LET NOBODY ABUSE MY SOUL AND BRING ME DOWN..AND THEY KNOW WHO THEY ARE!"

In my apartment we shared after it was over for far too long, I would put on my headphones and silently grouse...

"I'm clever, and I really wanna grow, but why come, you're the last to know?"

I needed to be reminded of my flyness. I needed to be reminded to dump off old wounds and transgressions. I needed to be reminded that I wasn't the one who did wrong. I needed to be reminded that love was still out there. I needed to be reminded moping around feeling sorry for myself was just taking time from the better life out there for me.

I say often that e.Badu is always winning. Mama's Gun was when I knew that be true.

I'd see her in concert the following year at The Greek. She was part of the Voodoo tour with D'Angelo and Musiq Soulchild. My new friends and I had great seats just behind some of my other favorite people in the world like Magic Johnson and Halle Berry and Erykah was a revelation.

Bald, beautiful, and wild eyed she ripped through her hits old and new and even came out into the audience, right to the left of me, and sang out. It was a celebration of spirit and she shot directly into my soul.

Please never put that gun away.