Jason Toney

#resound11: Five Things (Honeymoon Edition)

"All the pieces matter." - Det. Lester Freamon, ...and all the pieces matter, Five Years of Music From The Wire

Prompt 28: Five Things
Take today to jot down five memories that you would like to never forget about 2011. Try to write about five things you haven't shared yet, but if you need to repeat, that's OK!

What will be known henceforth as Our Creature Story
The walk we took in Ubud (Bali, Indonesia) in which we found the source of the constant cock-a-doodle doing in our resort (caged roosters), saw cows and monkeys (one chained to a building and several roaming free), got harassed by wild dogs, and I stepped on a dead snake. Then, we arrived back at our villa where the Today gecko squatting in our room decided to be cheeky and poop right in front of me before exiting the room to copulate with another lizard.

The Pool at The Ahimsa, Jimbaran Bay, Bali, Indonesia
[Details redacted]

The Japanese Wedding Party, Jimbaran Bay, Bali Indonesia
In which we ate a wonderful meal of grilled fish, lobster, and shrimp whilst watching a Japanese Wedding party at the adjacent beach side restaurant to ours get increasingly drunk and boisterous resulting in one of their party—probably the groom—getting pantsed in the water...and left out there to the delight of their group and our amusement. It was a clear night, sure, but we had a perfect view of his full moon and stars.

A Cell Phone Swims With The Fishes, Cibubur, Jakarta, Indonesia
In which I am enjoying feeding the fish before our dinner and Tiffany comes to join me. And, just as she drops down to the sea side step, her phone plops into the water. 10 minutes later, it is being rescued by the wait staff and, after a week in some rice, it is mostly working again. She's still using it today. See Also: The Best Meal.

It's A Small World After All, Our entire honeymoon travels
It was both comforting and somewhat depressing to be inundated with so much America whilst being completely on the other side of the world. The depressing? How much America has infected cultures around the world. From Starbucks and McDonalds to cover bands doing American hits and American tv shows syndicated everywhere, if you chose, you could go through Indonesia getting just the barest hints of what the culture is really like there. As was the case, unfortunately, for much of our time in Indonesia, we ate too often at American chains hearing American music.

The comforting part? Connecting with people over the excitement of Barack Obama visiting the country and finding others seeking to connect with us around their relationship to the States. Whether it was the bar manager at the Intercontinental who had spent many years in the states (particularly Atlanta) or our new cousin-in-law who helped translate language and culture to us on the wedding day or even our waiter at the Hard Rock who had visited California before and tried to keep us sauced in stiff drinks to insure we had a "hot Saturday night", those moments of genuine affection and connection with home helped me feel less like a stranger in a strange land and more like a small piece of a much bigger picture.

And you know what the most important moments of the year were already, right?

#resound11: All is Love

"Well, baby, I been around the world but I ain't seen myself another girl like you." - Justin Timberlake, My Love (ft. T.I.)

Prompt 25: All is Love
Who do you love unconditionally? Who loves you unconditionally? Who do you love despite their flaws? All is love.

Tiffany B. Brown.

I've had lots of conversations over the past few days, primarily with my grandmother, talking about relationships. Why they last. Why people stay. What is true of the relationships in my family. Obviously, as I'm still in the first year of marriage, that has me thinking a lot about my own.

The woman currently sleeping in the next room is my forever person. I don't know how else to put it. Whatever pet peeves I may have (and I'm going with the President Obama answer for this and saying, "Oh, I don't have one."), she gets me. She rides for me and with me.

She makes me laugh. She fills me up inside. She ignites my heart, my mind, my...

She pushes me in the ways I need to be pushed. She challenges my world view. She reminds me that I'm not invincible, that I sometimes lose, that my rampant optimism must be tempered with doses of realism, and that good times aren't necessarily forever.

She shows me a reality different from my own every day. And, in doing so, proves to me that I exist.

That my actions matter.

That this life counts.

And all of it is full of love.

Soundtrack to this post

• My Love (ft. TI) by Justin Timberlake
• You Are What You Love by Jenny Lewis with The Watson Twins
• Love featuring Pharoahe Monch by J Dilla (aka Jay Dee)
• Just As Long As We're In Love by Terry Callier
• Wanna Love U Girl (feat. Pharrell) by Robin Thicke
• Fall in Love by Slum Village

#resound11: Appreciation

"When it all goes down, baby, all we got is us." - Pete Rock, Appreciate (ft. CL Smooth)

Prompt 17: Appreciate
What’s the one thing you have come to appreciate most in the past year? How do you express gratitude for it?

This is easy. Of course, I appreciate all the hard work and love that our chosen family brought to the table for our wedding but I worry I have talked that up a little too much this year. So, instead, here's the other thing I've grown to appreciate greatly:

Home cooked meals.

Tiffany cooks most nights around these parts and she's good at it. Before she moved here, a year ago today in fact, I was a fast food regular with Sharky's and Chipotle and Taco Llama being my go-to dinner choices. My waist reflected as much, too.

But Tiffany enjoys cooking. She likes experimenting. She has a similar adventurous palate to my own and so, we eat. Often in front of the TV but, honestly, I most enjoy when we eat at our little kitchen table and talk. Just last night I learned about what Christmas was like in her house growing up and how she celebrated (or didn't) in the years before we were together.

Those home cooked meals often become moments to reaffirm our commitment to each other. They remind me that I'm with the right partner and that we complement each other well.

It's a rare day when I'm not a member of the clean plate club. And the owner of a full heart.

<schmoop />

Soundtrack to this post

• Love & Appreciate by Murs
• Appreciate ft. CL Smooth by Pete Rock
• Appreciate Me by Kelis
• Love and Appreciate II (feat. Tyler Woods) by Murs
• Unappreciated by Cherish

#resound11: High/Low

"We gotta take ya higher." - Fred Wesley & The JBs, Doing it to Death

Prompt 10: High/Low
Today is a bit of a choose your own adventure: write (paint, draw, photograph, record, etc.) about your best experience this year. If that's not your cup of joe, write about your worst experience. Feeling chatty? Share both your best and worst moments.

I've written in great detail on the high point of the year so I won't rehash that here. I'll just link to it (again). Also, I'm not lying. Here's independent confirmation that it was the best day of the year.

Usually, upon reflection, moments that I personally struggled with rarely look like low points. They transform into challenges or opportunities where I learned a bit about who I am or understand better the reality of the human condition and am now better for having gone through it.

So whether I felt some personal loss or felt powerless or weak-willed at the time, I'd like to think that it was all for the good.

I'd like to think those "low points" have lead me to being stronger, kinder, more thoughtful, more open, more direct, and more likely to do what my heart demands in the future.

I hope they took me higher.

Soundtrack to this post

• Doin' it to Death by Fred Wesley & the JBs
• Up For The Down Stroke by Parliament
• The Jam by Graham Central Station

#resound11: Thelma & Louise

"Come on now, I wanna boogie." - De-phazz, Boogie Philosophy

Prompt 06: Thelma & Louise
Who is the Thelma to your Louise? Who is your partner in crime? Did you reacquaint yourself with an old friend? Did you make a new friend? Or, perhaps, you are a lone ranger?

It was our 11th or 12th day abroad and we were sitting at the beach side bar of the Intercontinental drinking the first real drinks we'd had in Indonesia and about to have an excellent lobster meal, when I took stock of what had transpired.

We'd been married for six months. We'd lived together for nearly a year. We'd spent the most of the previous three years in a long distance relationship. Those, if they are going to work, require a nearly constant flow of communication and conversation. And not small talk but real talk. You don't stay up late or wake up early to tell a person what you last ate...most of the time, anyway.

And here we were, two weeks into a trip where we'd spent just about every waking moment together, in a country and culture that was not at like our own...and we still had things to talk about.

We still were delighted with each other's company.

We didn't get on each other's nerves.

She rolled with my under-planning of our days. I followed her lead and expertise in international traveling.

And through it all, we had incredible fun. Our kind of fun.

Tiffany B. Brown is my road dog.

Soundtrack to this post

• Una Dia Otra Noche by Alla
• L.O.V.E. And You & I by Sonar Kollektiv Orchester
• You Are Golden by Incognito
• Spaceape by Burial
• Boogie Philosophy by De-Phazz
• Angelica by Lamb

The One After The Awesome

"I can be loved." - RJD2, Ring Finger

I'm getting used to wearing a ring. For most of the week, I found myself playing with it constantly, accidentally hitting it on things, tapping it on things as my own personal percussive instrument. Sometime yesterday, though, I started to feel it as more a part of myself rather than a new accoutrement. It isn't forgotten, though. I still notice how it glints in the light. I wear it to bed and worry about accidentally injuring myself or others with it's weight and edges. But, it's worth the risk. Last week, I made some commitments and it is a great and wonderful reminder of those promises.

The Vows

I vow to challenge you to go after your dreams. I vow to always ask, “why not?”; to remind you it’s okay to play, it’s okay to fail, and it’s okay to do things just because. I vow to support your passions. I vow to be open to you. To share my thoughts and feelings and fears and worries. I I vow to walk this Earth with you hand in hand  for as long as I am able and to love you for longer than that. And for the rest of our lives, I vow to bring joy and laughter to your life every chance I get.

And, here are two pieces that Lynne said as she presided over our union:

Love Is by Nikki Giovanni

Some people forget that love is 
tucking you in and kissing you 
"Good night" 
no matter how young or old you are

Some people don't remember that 
love is 
listening and laughing and asking 
questions 
no matter what your age

Few recognize that love is 
commitment, responsibility 
no fun at all 
unless

Love is 
You and me 

and

You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when white wings of death scatter your days.
Aye, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together, yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.

on marriage - kahlil gibran

I'm not sure what lies in the future that will compare to our wedding week but this week has been a pretty joyous one. I've delighted in hearing all the positivity that has entered into the lives of our loved ones in the days passing. I've enjoyed greatly reliving the experience through pictures and conversation. And, I've enjoyed the changes in our relationship since our formal joining of our lives. I didn't think much would change but, in small yet wonderfully meaningful ways, it has. Like one of the cards we received, we're actively making a home together; we're making time for each other (holding hands, climbing trees, bringing joy); we're making memories; and, we're making mistakes...at least I know I am (still haven't picked up those contact lenses for her as requested).

And, as you see above, I've made promises, commitments that, despite all the Rapture talk of the week, invest in our future, in the infinite possibilities of tomorrow, and in the celebration of how great right now is.

<schmoop />

The Week In Review

• The Best Thing I Saw This Week: When not looking at wedding pictures over and over again, I was in love with Game of Thrones.
• The Best Thing I Heard This Week: While I spent a lot of time with James Brown this week, my head is still in N'awlins so let's go with Big Freedia's Azz Everywhere and Katy Red's Where Da Melph At?
• The Best Thing I Read This Week: Can you believe I'm still reading The City & The City?
• The Thing I Read This Week That Most Resonated:

It reminds me of the “bike to work” movement. That is also portrayed as white, but in my city more than half of the people on bike are not white. I was once talking to a white activist who was photographing “bike commuters” and had only pictures of white people with the occasional “black professional” I asked her why she didn’t photograph the delivery people, construction workers etc. … ie. the black and Hispanic and Asian people… and she mumbled something about trying to “improve the image of biking” then admitted that she didn’t really see them as part of the “green movement” since they “probably have no choice.”

Why? Because as a sometimes bike commuter, I marveled last week at the number of black folks on bikes in NOLA and then when I got back home, I looked around and realized I was really kind of "unseeing" the many folks of color who ride in my neighborhood and had, much like this quote, thought of the current bike movement as particularly white.

Wrong.

Lame.

Let's ride!

Our Wedding(s) Explained

"Yeah, baby. Yeaaaahhhhh." - Fred Wesley & The JBs, Doing It to Death

 On May 14th (and 13th), 2011,  Tiffany B. Brown and I got married in New Orleans, Louisiana. The hashtags were #nerdwedding11 and #jtandtb. Tiffany has also included #winning and #epic but those aren't specific to us even though they accurately describe the events of the last week.

We took a red eye from LAX to MSY with a long layover in Memphis (just as the Mississippi river began threatening to flood it, Tennessee and on through Louisiana) on May 8th arriving in town on May 9th. Delta has been and continues to be our airline of choice. Once in New Orleans, we rented a car from Hertz. The Hertz shuttle driver welcomed us to The Big Easy (Whodat Nation) with some smooth jazz.

We stayed in a king suite at The Roosevelt Hotel in the Central Business District (CBD). They have the best beds. We ate breakfast regularly at or from Teddy's Cafe. We had a lovely conversation with the saleswoman at The Gift Shop, who is originally from San Diego, and informed us about Operation Comeback. They also have the best valets and the guys in their Business Services office give great marriage advice...when they aren't trying to drink the liquor you're shipping. 

Our first meal of the week was at Domenica. We'd eat there two more times during the week. Our first dinner was at Iris, in the Quarter. It was okay but not our favorite meal.

Why New Orleans?

Tiffany and I were in a long distance relationship. New Orleans was the first trip we took together (that wasn't a conference) and we have returned just about every six months after that initial trip in 2009. We adore the city. When we decided to get married, we had four requirements: A. It had to be a destination wedding. B. It had to have great food. C. It had to have great drinks. D. It had to have great music. Is there a better place for all that than NOLA?

Louisiana requires a birth certificate and some official form of ID for both participants to secure a marriage license. Locals have a 72 hour waiting period but that is waived for out-of-state couples. That waiting period was waived for us...but we waited three days, anyway. The total cost of the license, waivers, and records was $38. We got it from the Vital Records Office in the CBD. After a short wait and some comedic conversations with some locals, it took about 10 minutes. Despite how really simple this process is, Louisiana Civil Code prohibits same sex civil unions of any kind. Oddly, they did not check our genitalia ever during this process. On this day, we ate at Lüke for breakfast and dinner at Stanley. We also napped...a lot.

Why Two Ceremonies?

The funny thing is that before we met each other, we never thought we'd get married at all. That said, Louisiana requires couples to be married by a recognized officiant of the parish where you've secured your license. It was important to me that we were married by someone who knew us. This presented a problem. Our original plan was to have a courthouse ceremony with just our witnesses. Our friend, Cinnamon, however, suggested the French Quarter Wedding Chapel. With many of our family and friends in town by Friday, this seemed like a great idea and a way for people who like the more traditional church and legal weddings to get their fix. More on this later.

Our official ceremony would be at Calcasieu Rooms which is part of Donald Link's Restaurant Group. We did our walkthrough with their amazing team on Wednesday, right after one of their many private parties for the AIA National Convention that was in town. We ate lunch at Cochon Butcher then returned (late) to MSY to pick Felicia and my sister. They arrived at about the same time even though they live on opposite sides of the country. We then visited the amazing Rathbone Mansions, a bed and breakfast in the Tremé. Y'all know about the Tremé, right? You at least watch the show?*

After making another run to the airport to pick up Anna, there was Bourbon Street. The Good Friends Bar. Despite being treated kindly by their great bartenders, we did experience some hilarious and oft-putting drunken racism from one of the patrons (sushi fried rice shot. kunta kinte-ville. har har har!).

On Thursday, we volunteered with The St. Bernard Project just like we did last year. We love Sister Judy. Molly, one of their Americorps Volunteers, went to school with my sister. Elle, a rescued pit bull puppy, was the star of the volunteer office. We worked on a shotgun house in the Lower Ninth Ward doing mudding. We ate lunch at The Joint. My parents schmooped out on me at the end of the day. We then met up with the Thursday arrivals of friends and family at Loa followed by dinner at Rambla. We expected a party of 6. We ended up with a party of 17...at one table! Sometime on this night, I lost my credit card.

Our civil ceremony was at 4pm on Friday at the French Quarter Wedding Chapel. We expected about 20 people to show up. We had close to 35. Our families met for the first time on the corner of Burgundy and Iberville mere minutes before we walked in the chapel. The first interaction of our mothers was my mom helping Tiffany's mom with a wardrobe malfunction. It was a casual affair. I was wearing my favorite suit jacket from Marc Ecko Cut & Sew and a new shirt from Jos. A. Bank with Old Navy Jeans. Tiffany was wearing a pretty summer dress and shoes from Target (2007 collection). We were married by the very amusing Rev. Tony Talavera. We had no idea what to expect and it was an absurd, hilarious, and very sweet affair. Our first dance was What A Wonderful World performed by a violinist whose name we have forgotten.

We then returned to the Roosevelt for celebratory drinks at The Sazerac bar. The families then met up at Restaurant August for Family dinner. It was as amazing as we hoped it would be. Tiffany's mom, however, didn't make it. She wasn't ready for drinking in N'awlins.

On May 14th, our official wedding day, we started with a late breakfast at The Green Goddess followed by manicures and pedicures at the Guerlain Spa in the hotel. They have a great staff. Ronisha, one of Tiffany's attendants, had our ceremonial flowers delivered to the hotel and I wrote a brief blog post. My parents and attendants (Anna and Dominique) helped us get ready along with Tiffany's attendant, Shoshana. I wore an Italian made suit from Bertolini, a tie from Bloomingdales, shoes by Stacy Adams (courtesy of my mama), and a shirt from Jos A. Bank. Tiffany's dress was by Badgley Mischka. She made her own earrings and wore a beautiful necklace provided by her mother. Our rings were made by Magnolia Jewelers in Burbank, CA. They also made Tiffany's engagement ring.

The event started at 6pm. We arrived late. Our officiant was Lynne d Johnson. She was the first person I didn't already know that I talked to when I began blogging in 2002. She was there when Tiffany and I first met at SXSW in 2005. We wanted someone to marry us who knew us, understood us, and best represented our ethics, values, and outlook on life and love. She's just all around awesome. (more details about the ceremony to come).

Our processional music was Doing It To Death by Fred Wesley & The JBs. We danced our way down the aisle. Our Recessional music was Dance Tonight by Lucy Pearl. Our amazing DJ, Mau Balvanera, had to come up with this on the fly. The Father/Daughter Dance was Unforgettable by Nat King Cole. The Mother/Son Dance was Thank You (Falettinme Be Micelf Agin) by Sly & The Family Stone. Our First Dance was For Real by Amel Larrieux. The full setlist.

The food was amazing. So was the booze.

We crowdsourced our wedding with kindnesses from our friends. Felicia was our Day-Of Coordinator. Michelle and Melissa were our photographers. You can already see some of the pictures on flickr. Gift tumblers were handcrafted by Sibbotery. New Orleans themed Gift boxes were put together by Ronisha.

The after-party, which we didn't attend, was at Mimi's in the Marigny featuring Dj Soul Sister. My 80 year old grandmother was there.

We didn't do much else after the awesomeness of Saturday night except for: Domenica (again). A trip to CVS which featured the most drunk person we saw, an amazingly inebriated young lady from Idaho. We walked the riverwalk. The New Orleans Holocaust Memorial.

Our last meal was at Cochon.

*This post was inspired by The Treme Explained posts from Nola.com.

The One Where All Is Full Of Love

"I wanna talk to you." - Love Conversation, José James

I was going to try to write a brief missive thanking everything and every body that has helped make this week possible because I'm all full up with warmth and love right now...but it's just a couple hours before the official ceremony and flowers just arrived in the lobby.

So, quickly, thank you New Orleans, thank you family, thank you chosen family, thank you friends. Thank you to everybody that has had a kind word, a smiling face, or a stiff drink for us this week.

Thank you, Tiffany, for being the absolute best thing in my life ever.

We're about to do the damn thing.

Let's go!!

My 2011 Personal Operating Plan

"There's something in your heart and it's in your eyes. It's the fire, inside you, it burns. You don't say 'good luck'. You say, 'don't give up.' The fire. Let it burn." - The Roots, The Fire

I did this last year and am happy with the results so let's do it again.

Broad Strategic Goals

In everything I do this year, the goal is to Provide Value. In my personal life, I will be more deliberate with my Kindness and Compassion. I will also Love Harder. Health and Wellness will be a priority. Professionally and creatively, I will embrace Breaking Some Eggs, Breaking Some Rules, and Challenging the Status Quo. 

Health and Wellness

As I said last year, 

Five years from now, I plan to visit a doctor for regular checkups four times a year, the dentist twice a year, and the eye doctor at least once a year. I will be staring down my 40th birthday and I plan to live a long, happy, and healthy life. That includes regular visits to smart medical practitioners.

Well, one year has passed since then and while this is true, the fact of the matter is, five years from now I will be 40 years old and I want to be much healthier than I am now. Of these things, the only thing I do consistently is see my eye doctor once a year.

This year, I'm focusing on two things with health and wellness. First, take full advantage of my really great employer provided health benefits and start my regular doctor and dentist visits. In January, I will find new medical and dental providers that I will be happy with and excited about partnering on my future well-being. The requirements are that they take advantage of the latest medical and dental knowledge and tools, are personable and compassionate, and convenient to visit (meaning close to home or work).

Second, embrace this whole Body Integration concept. One of the running themes in my reverb 10 posts was this desire to get my eating right, working out, personal care stuff all happening at the same time. I plan to do that this year beginning this coming week. I joined health month and daily mile and will use those to track my adhering to my simple goals—eating right, working out regularly, taking my vitamins, and following my morning rituals around mental focus. I want to be at a healthy BMI within the first 6 months of the year and then set new goals at that time.

Financial

I want Tiffany and I to be without any legacy debts that either of us bring into our union by the end of 2011. I want to have saved a considerable amount (still TBD) and I plan to have a small portfolio of personal investment in progressive companies and companies, projects or individuals that I have a vested interest in seeing do well.

I also want to significantly increase my charitable giving. I did that this year without missing the dollars. Let's do more of that.

Career

Provide value. Instill values. Showcase and Celebrate that value.

Me and my team will provide significant meaningful value to our guests and the Company. We will be passionate product managers, producers, and page owners who focus on creating the best guest experiences possible, plussing our existing experiences, and advocating for the right thing, always.

I will drive forward the values, goals, and mission that I believe are critical for our success. We will be data-driven, solution-oriented, efficient, and forward-thinking. We will not be bogged down by our legacy. We will transition fully from being order-takers to storytellers. We will push our areas of the business forward and take advantage of the smart work of the rest of the teams in our organization.

We will tell our own stories internally. We will celebrate the projects we are proud of, the ones that perform well, and showcase the value and the values we bring to the Company. We will not be sheepish about our success.

Creativity and Learning

This year, I want to renew my love affair with Los Angeles and California as a whole. Tiffany is here now with fresh eyes and I want to really expand my awareness of the city and state we call home by learning and experiencing much more of it. I did a lot of book learning about Los Angeles in 2010, now it's about going out and seeing more of it in action.

Creatively, I want to get more deliberate about what I write here and what I post around the web. Writing is my outlet but there are areas that I am passionate about that I don't spend as much time as I would like writing about. I want to write more about the relationship I have with music and pop culture and how it impacts and motivates me in my career and private life. I want to spend more time writing about black folks and technology. And I want to write some fiction this year.

This is scary and I'm just now thinking about this as I'm writing this but why not make it a goal - 6 short stories by the end of 2011.

Whoa.

Okay, I'm scared.

And thrilled.

Travel

This is the year of international travel. Trust. The honeymoon must be outside of the United States. Boom!

I also want to visit more of the northwestern U.S. and get to New York, the Yay Area and New Orleans as often as humanly and financially possible.

Friends and Family

I want to see my sister more. This ties in with trips to New York since that is now her home but that's real. I love the person she's become and want more time with that chick.

Now that Tiffany and I share the same space, I want to entertain more at home. The much talked about Supper Club should finally come to be this year and I can see rotating dinners with my folks at each other's homes. 

Also, a weekly residency at The Library Bar with our classy drinking friends should be the right way to kick off the New Year.

So, the goal here is being in the same physical space with my favorite people on the planet on a regular, committed basis.

Love

In the abstract, the goal is to love harder. As we transition from the Long Distance thing to the See Each Other Every Day thing, I don't want to get complacent. I want to be excited and passionate and emotional and meaningful every day. Even though we've been together for nearly 2 and half years, this is really new for us and I want to enjoy it and take advantage of it to show to her and to myself that our love continues to grow and blossom and delight.

I also want us to find a space that better suits us in size and function.

Oh, and come May 14th, we'll be throwing the best damn party we can to celebrate that love. In New Orleans. With some of the best food and drink you will ever put in your face. And we'll help rebuild and renew the city.

Oh, and we'll get married, too.

Just that little thing.

The Mantra For The Year?

Move. Get up, get out, and do something!

Let's go!!

 

The Last One With Two Cities

"Are you ready for the city? Is the city ready for you?" - The Futureheads, The City Is Here for You to Use

Tiffany moved west this week and a few things have become immediately apparent to me. First, this apartment is too small. We can survive in it just fine for awhile but there's not enough room. We'll probably add a few more pieces of furniture in the coming weeks and it'll get even more cramped. She doesn't have a good place from which to work. This is a problem considering her new gig has her mostly working from home.

Second, I've known this from before the move but our sleep patterns are really different. In comparison to me, she goes to bed early. I'm not sure what the adaption will look like but the last few days have either been her going to bed and me arriving a few hours later or me going to bed with her and then waking up in the middle of the night (like today...hello 3:30am) ready to start my day. I'm not sure what the adaptation to this will look like yet. I'm guessing I'll naturally adjust to going to bed at the same time but waking up much earlier. This is probably good for me. I can get a lot done in the mornings and my days go better when I have time to clear my busy mind before getting to work.

Third, there are things (big things, actually) that are already different in a hugely positive way for me: having someone to eat with (and who cooks and enjoys cooking) means I'm eating much healthier. On a typical Sunday, it's not uncommon for me to have Chipotle for lunch and then go out to dinner. And maybe brunch it out, too. Today, however, I made breakfast at home. I made lunch. She made dinner. I don't imagine I had more than 1500 calories today and I had a good portion of fruits and veggies mixed in to the day as well. This is amazing. If I make the switch to spending way more on groceries than restaurants (which has been the reality of the last 4 days) then I'm well on the path to the full body transformation I want in 2011 and Tiffany's habits should help with that. I mean, damnit, we had mussels for dinner. At home. She rocks.

Also, I'm much more aware of the state of the home than I have been. Sharing a space with someone means I clean way more. My kitchen has never stayed this pristine this consistently since I moved in here 5 years ago. The bathroom too (mostly). Being responsible to someone else feels good and I like doing for her. For the both of us, really.

But fourth, I think it's going to take awhile for us to truly understand that things have changed. She still talks like she's in Atlanta. I keep acting like she's on vacation. I'm sure it will balance itself out—I go back to work today; she'll start driving herself around town this week—but, at the moment, it still feels weird. Two years in a long distance relationship and you get into your own rhythms. There are set times for conversing. There is a lot more long term planning about the next trip, the big move, the big changes. Now we're moving in to the minutiae. What's for dinner? What's on TV? Where's the best store for spices, black hair care products, etc.? That will take some getting used to.

I keep expecting having to take her to the airport and preparing for the sadness that comes with that. But she's not going anywhere. Los Angeles is now home for both of us. There is still lots of big stuff on the horizon. We've still got a wedding this Spring. We've still got to find a new place to live. She's still got a new job to start and a new city to try to learn and love. I've still got big responsibilities at work. But we've also got meals to plan and coffee to make and new morning rituals and learning the little idiosyncrasies of living together.

We've spent the last two years learning how to love each other. This is just the next chapter in that story.

We started last week being of two cities. We begin this one trying to be from one.

• The Best Thing I Saw This Week: I've started watching Breaking Bad. AMC is currently replaying the series from the beginning. I don't know that I love it yet but I'm very intrigued by it. It's become my middle of the night TV friend.
• The Best Thing I Heard This Week: Le Sigh. Rick Ross's Teflon Don has been top of mind lately. I won't go nearly as far as The New York Times which named it album of the year but I must admit that I really like that album. Damnit, Rozay. Ya got me.
• The Best Thing I Read This Week: I finished Decoded last weekend. I picked up both The 4 Hour Body (which my mom also got from my dad for Christmas) and The Big Payback. Both are pretty good.
• The Thing I Read This Week That Most Resonated:

Busy-ness might feel good (like checking your email on Christmas weekend) but business means producing things of actual value. Often, the two are completely unrelated. What if you spent a day totally unbusy, and instead confronted the fear-filled tasks you’ve been putting off that will actually produce value once shipped?

Why? Because the one thought I've had about work while I've been away is that I need to focus some serious energy on, for lack of a better word yet, "un-fucking" some things. That means clearing away all the non-essential tasks and focusing on what I know will provide real value. I need to challenge my team to do the same. I've spent the last three months getting a sense of the landscape. Now, it's time to get to doing.

Business not busy-ness.

Let's go!