Jason Toney

On Growing Up

"Cash it in or throw it all away. Never needed any of it anyway." - Zero 7, Throw It All Away

Just a few short years ago, San Francisco was my dream city. I imagined myself moving up there and living a certain kind of life. It involved sexy, smart progressive people changing the world. We'd wear our freak flags and march against everything while padding our bank accounts with whatever brainy technology magic we'd come up with at our day jobs. We'd sit in parks dressed like we were going to a show at the Fillmore after and marvel at those around us and the city we called home.

I thought about this this past weekend, more than once, as I roamed the city with Tiffany and shared deep thoughts with Felicia and others. I'm not exactly a different person than I was a few years ago but I'm a more mature version of me. One who now tires at the thought of living my imagined Bay Area life.

It's not the city that's changed. Everyone I know in that city has , like me, transformed as well. Before, when I would visit, I would have nothing but late nights. This time, I couldn't muster one. Not even on New Year's Eve. I have friends who used to succumb to every vice that are now sober and smoke free. Others are mommies and daddies who have obligations that are still completely foreign to me even as I admit that I'm a fellow grown up. Others have real challenges or worries, ones that can't be washed away with a swig of champagne or jokes about the woefully underdressed (or overdressed) visitors to Delores Park.

This is not a bad thing. Amidst the conversations of creaky joints and slowing down and good pre-schools and job security was something that wasn't quite there before. People were feeling more right in their bodies, more accepting of who they are, and of their place in the world. I feel that way more days than not lately, too.

It was fitting that we celebrated Felicia's graduation from grad school at the same time we acknowledged the flipping of the calendar. It was when I was talking with her that I most felt this changing of the seasons. I've been friends with her for over 20 years. We were kids together once. In fact, I live four doors down from the house she grew up in now to constantly remind me of that fact.

We're adults now and yet, it's a new day. A new year. We know ourselves better than we ever have. And the knees don't respond like they used to and the one time city of my dreams is just another place but there we were. It's her city now. One in which she's grown and blossomed and accomplished so much.

There we were sitting in the park surrounded by people dressed like they were going to a show at the Fillmore but I marveled at the ones I knew most well. They were—we were—ready and excited for our next adventures to begin in whatever places in the world we called home.

All grown up and yet, just beginning.

#resound11: Five Things (Honeymoon Edition)

"All the pieces matter." - Det. Lester Freamon, ...and all the pieces matter, Five Years of Music From The Wire

Prompt 28: Five Things
Take today to jot down five memories that you would like to never forget about 2011. Try to write about five things you haven't shared yet, but if you need to repeat, that's OK!

What will be known henceforth as Our Creature Story
The walk we took in Ubud (Bali, Indonesia) in which we found the source of the constant cock-a-doodle doing in our resort (caged roosters), saw cows and monkeys (one chained to a building and several roaming free), got harassed by wild dogs, and I stepped on a dead snake. Then, we arrived back at our villa where the Today gecko squatting in our room decided to be cheeky and poop right in front of me before exiting the room to copulate with another lizard.

The Pool at The Ahimsa, Jimbaran Bay, Bali, Indonesia
[Details redacted]

The Japanese Wedding Party, Jimbaran Bay, Bali Indonesia
In which we ate a wonderful meal of grilled fish, lobster, and shrimp whilst watching a Japanese Wedding party at the adjacent beach side restaurant to ours get increasingly drunk and boisterous resulting in one of their party—probably the groom—getting pantsed in the water...and left out there to the delight of their group and our amusement. It was a clear night, sure, but we had a perfect view of his full moon and stars.

A Cell Phone Swims With The Fishes, Cibubur, Jakarta, Indonesia
In which I am enjoying feeding the fish before our dinner and Tiffany comes to join me. And, just as she drops down to the sea side step, her phone plops into the water. 10 minutes later, it is being rescued by the wait staff and, after a week in some rice, it is mostly working again. She's still using it today. See Also: The Best Meal.

It's A Small World After All, Our entire honeymoon travels
It was both comforting and somewhat depressing to be inundated with so much America whilst being completely on the other side of the world. The depressing? How much America has infected cultures around the world. From Starbucks and McDonalds to cover bands doing American hits and American tv shows syndicated everywhere, if you chose, you could go through Indonesia getting just the barest hints of what the culture is really like there. As was the case, unfortunately, for much of our time in Indonesia, we ate too often at American chains hearing American music.

The comforting part? Connecting with people over the excitement of Barack Obama visiting the country and finding others seeking to connect with us around their relationship to the States. Whether it was the bar manager at the Intercontinental who had spent many years in the states (particularly Atlanta) or our new cousin-in-law who helped translate language and culture to us on the wedding day or even our waiter at the Hard Rock who had visited California before and tried to keep us sauced in stiff drinks to insure we had a "hot Saturday night", those moments of genuine affection and connection with home helped me feel less like a stranger in a strange land and more like a small piece of a much bigger picture.

And you know what the most important moments of the year were already, right?

#resound11: 12 in 12

"You'll never think you're the only one when times are tough in your new age." - The Polyphonic Spree, Section 12 (Hold Me Now)

Prompt 12: 12 in 12
Take today to talk about 12 things you would like to accomplish in 2012. These 12 things can be 12 resolutions, 12 changes in your life, 12 wines you'd like to drink, 12 cities you'd like to visit, or 12 monthly goals.

I will do another Personal Operating Plan as we get closer to the turn of the calendar so this is just going to be stream of consciousness until I get to 12.

Ready?

1. Get back to New Orleans
2. Travel Internationally again
3. Long weekends in NYC, DC, and the ATL
4. Drive to the Grand Canyon
5. Look at the scale and see 200 (or less)
6. Get my blood pressure right
7. Do more 5k and 10k races
8. Get back in the habit of voluntEARing
9. Get a new computer and monitor
10. Eat at ink
11. Eat at The Bazaar
12. Support Tiffany's desire for more themed house parties

Soundtrack to this post

• Section 12 (Hold Me Now) by The Polyphonic Spree
• Back and Forth (12" Larry Blackmon Mix) by Cameo
• Season 8 Episode 12 by Kira Neris
• This is for the Lover in You (12" Version) by Shalamar
• A Night to Remember (12" Version) by Shalamar

#resound11: Best Meal

"Fish. Not afraid to dive." - Bonnie Pink, Fish

Prompt 11: Best Meal
What is the best meal or best food that you have eaten all year? Did you make it? Did you get it at a restaurant? Do your best to describe the food and the experience with us.

Cibubur is a suburb of Jakarta known for it's shrimping. At least that's what we were told by our hosts as we arrived for a post-wedding meal with our new family in Indonesia.

I've had more elegant meals this year. The tasting menu at Rivera in February. Nearly every meal we had in New Orleans in May. Our many excursions to Sushi Yuzu. Nothing, however, was as delightful and visceral an experience as this feast of fish and shrimp and awesome.

We sat in a hut with our shoes off and low to the ground. I say ground, but actually, we were over a koi pond flush with orange and white and yellow finned friends. As rain showers unsettled the  surface, we joined in, tossing in feed of our own. Serving the fish before they fed us.

The wait staff brought out plate after plate of freshly fried and grilled fish, head on, caught just that day, and wonderful. We ate with our hands, taking a bit of the sticky rice into our palm, ripped off a piece of fish and then shoveled int our mouths.

After the first bite, I let out a moan of delight. My eyes got big and then I began to dig in rapidly. And the plates kept coming. Grilled shrimp, whole and on skewers; king crab cooked to perfection; vegetables that we mostly ignored.

It was the best meal because it was the most memorable. I had traveled further than I ever had to a culture I knew so little about only to find the company of new friends and family who love what I love about food -- how it brings people together, how it reveals so much about who we are and what we care about.

How a single bite of food can be a revelation: I'm in heaven. I'm home.

Soundtrack to this post

• More Fish by Raekwon and Ghostface Killah
• Fish by Bonnie Pink
• Weird Fishes/Arpeggi by Radiohead
• Superfast Jellyfish by Gorillaz
• Fish (w/ Cappadonna & Raekwon) by Ghostface Killah
• Edure 2 Fish (remix) by Oddisee
• Fish Head by Slim & The Soulful Saints
• With the Fishes by French Kicks
• Otha Fish by The Pharcyde
• Jellyfish by Ghostface Killah

#resound11: Best Photo

"...posing like we're this year's models." - Friendly Fires, Photobooth

Prompt 09: Best Photo
please post your best photo of the year. It doesn't have to be the best technically, it doesn't have to be the best visually, but it should be a photo that you consider the best. Does it have special meaning? Is it of a significant event or moment?

Jimbaran Bay, Bali, Indonesia. November 2011.

'Nuff Said.

#resound11: Thelma & Louise

"Come on now, I wanna boogie." - De-phazz, Boogie Philosophy

Prompt 06: Thelma & Louise
Who is the Thelma to your Louise? Who is your partner in crime? Did you reacquaint yourself with an old friend? Did you make a new friend? Or, perhaps, you are a lone ranger?

It was our 11th or 12th day abroad and we were sitting at the beach side bar of the Intercontinental drinking the first real drinks we'd had in Indonesia and about to have an excellent lobster meal, when I took stock of what had transpired.

We'd been married for six months. We'd lived together for nearly a year. We'd spent the most of the previous three years in a long distance relationship. Those, if they are going to work, require a nearly constant flow of communication and conversation. And not small talk but real talk. You don't stay up late or wake up early to tell a person what you last ate...most of the time, anyway.

And here we were, two weeks into a trip where we'd spent just about every waking moment together, in a country and culture that was not at like our own...and we still had things to talk about.

We still were delighted with each other's company.

We didn't get on each other's nerves.

She rolled with my under-planning of our days. I followed her lead and expertise in international traveling.

And through it all, we had incredible fun. Our kind of fun.

Tiffany B. Brown is my road dog.

Soundtrack to this post

• Una Dia Otra Noche by Alla
• L.O.V.E. And You & I by Sonar Kollektiv Orchester
• You Are Golden by Incognito
• Spaceape by Burial
• Boogie Philosophy by De-Phazz
• Angelica by Lamb

When We Were Kings

"Don't be cynical. Don't be critical." - Betty Wright with The Roots, You and Me, Leroy 

"You look like king," said the Diplomat as he slapped me on the back. He turned to his brother-in-law, the father of the bride, and they spoke quietly in Bahasa Indonesian before turning back to me and nodding. 

Apparently, I cleaned up well.

Weddings are extremely important ceremonies in Indonesian culture, particularly for the Sundanese (folks from West Java), and so, that Tiffany and I would be the only members of the family in attendance for her cousin, who was to marry an Indonesian woman, was a big deal. We became the elders of his family, representing his mother and father in the ceremony which included us wearing traditional Sundanese ceremonial attire.

For me, this meant a sarong of batik cloth, a white shirt with gold colored buttons, a black jacket reminiscent of Michael Jackson's more understated military attire, a cap, and a kris (ceremonial sword).
Coolest. Shit. Ever.

Immediately, I felt the magnitude of the day's events. I could feel the import of the role I was to play. I immediately felt more serious. Even as the family joked a bit with me, I could sense this was not a time for snark or to downplay the significance. I was on the other side of the world, standing up for a man I had only met six months prior, and I was dressed for the part.

So, I stood a little more straight. I tried to offer some fatherly, or at least, brotherly advice to a man ten years my senior and I set about making the best impression humanly possible to people who, generally, didn't speak english,and  all of whom I was just meeting.

So I paid attention. I learned the proper way to greet people (palms together, fingers touching) and a little bit of bahasa ('terima kasih' means 'thank you'). I joked with the father of the bride. I was open to everything. Every piece of food put in front of me. Every direction for how to proceed. Every word I didn't understand. Every aspect of this culture I knew so little about.

By the end of the day, I had greeted well over 200 people. I had watched a wedding ceremony unlike anything I'd seen before featuring a well defined contract of marriage responsibilities and terms of divorce, the breaking of an egg, a traditional dance, and prayer. Lots and lots of prayer.

"You look like a king," said the Diplomat.

I felt like one, too.

Travel #reverb10

"I was a piano player in my last lifetime." - Common, Time Travelin' (A Tribute To Fela)

December 22 – Travel
How did you travel in 2010? How and/or where would you like to travel next year?
(Author: Tara Hunt)

One of the reasons I use Tripit is so that I can keep track of all this data. It came in handy this morning, otherwise I would've forgotten one of the many trips I took to Atlanta this year.

Here are the hard numbers:

1. Atlanta, GA (6 times)
2. New Orleans, LA (twice)
3. Minneapolis, MN
4. Greensboro, NC
5. San Francisco, CA

The big news this year was that I flew enough miles to become a Silver Medallion Sky Miles member on Delta. I'm very excited about this. Got that bump from zone four to zone two boarding. I get to check two bags for free (which doesn't mean much to me but was super important for Tiffany's move to Los Angeles yesterday). I also automagically get put on the upgrade list. I loves my status. With the end of the Long Distance Relationship thing (we're now co-habitants happily living in sin for a few months), I'm going to find more excuses to fly. My sister may see me in New York a lot more often just so I don't lose that status (and, you know, cuz I love her, too, or something).

As Tiffany noted, travel this year has been all about family, friendship, and fellowship. Every trip was about matters of the heart. Included in those trips were weddings and anniversaries (both of the same sex variety by the way. You didn't ask but I'm tellin'), birthdays and holidays, volunteer work and medical and dental visits. And good hard cries. And good hard laughs. And warm smiles and soft eyes. And surprises.

And you. In the end, it was about all the "you's" I was going to get to see after I touched down.

This final trip of the year, though, was the most unique. It was the first time Tiffany and I have traveled on a flight together. It's the first time in eons that I've gotten to sit next to someone I knew. It's the first time I've ordered a town car. It's the first flight I booked less than a week before take off. 

It's the first time when we both could say we were coming home.

I always like coming back to Los Angeles but this was the first time I was truly excited by the prospect. Excited by the travel itself. It didn't disappoint. We, with our matching ipads, danced in our chairs to different music, silently judged some of the passengers around us, and gave each other nervous looks with the rough turbulence on the way in. 

Next year I expect more of that but hopefully expanding our adventures beyond the contiguous United States and maybe some new domestic cities together too.

I'd guarantee at least a trip or two to SF. I know we'll be in Austin and Nola again. But what about Portland? How about visiting Grandma in Omaha?

And internationally? Iceland and Argentina probably top my list for Honeymoon destinations but I'm open. I've never left the States (beyond brief visits to Mexico and Canada. Also Alaska and Hawaii which might as well be foreign lands) so anything that isn't part of the good ol' U S of A will be exciting.

 

Try #reverb10

"Keep on movin' and you get a little further. You keep on trustin' and you keep on hoping. Keep on facing your fears just to keep on going." - Bugge Wesseltoft and Sidsel Endresen, Try

December 18 – Try.
What do you want to try next year? Is there something you wanted to try in 2010? What happened when you did / didn’t go for it?
(Author: Kaileen Elise)

Next year, I want to try international travel. I've never left North America except for the Pacific Islands and I'd love to explore more of the world.

I can't really talk about what I got the chance to try this year but it was work related. It happened back in January and all I know is it was one of the best 15 minute segments of my life with clothes on...even if my pants kept falling down.

New Orleans: Always For Pleasure...

"Make this land a better land than the one in which we live." - Lee Dorsey, Yes We Can, Pt. 1

 In Tom Piazza's Why New Orleans Matters, he notes that there are so many stories you hear of people who come to N'awlins for Jazz Fest and simply never leave. That's the grip the city can have on your soul. Jazz Fest happens just as the humidity becomes oppressive, right before the start of hurricane season, right as the mosquitos come out to feed on human flesh, and thunder storms are constant threat. But so little of that is of consequence when you have a refreshing alcoholic beverage in hand, you've stuffed your face with the best meal of your life, you've danced and laughed with friend and stranger alike, you've heard a great yarn or three, and perhaps told a few yourself, and you can't imagine why you'd ever leave a place like this.

That's how I felt last week. We stayed in a hotel where the great Civil War General, Robert E. Lee, stared down at us like an overseer on a plantation. You'll remember he fought on the wrong side of that war and, if you were with me, I wouldn't let you forget it. Just a few blocks away from us were museums recognizing the Civil War and World War 2. Herbsaint, one of the 50 best restaurants in the country, was in walking distance. The St. Charles cable car's route was right there and one of the best dive bars I've ever been in, the Circle Bar, was undiscovered territory until our last night in town even though it was just 30 paces from our lobby.

We were there, primarily, to put in some good, hard work with the St. Bernard Project. I spent two days working on houses that eventually will be lived in by residents displaced by Hurricane Katrina and it's aftermath. Some of our group did more, some less, all of us, if I can be so bold to say, quite moved by the experience. The whole project was started by and is sprinkled with people, transplants, who picked up and moved their lives to do more. To help. To stand up. To fight. The stories—of both those doing the good work and those who would receive the benefits—were inspiring.

Stories, in general, are what I always remember about my trips to NOLA. It's a city that seems to both create and collect storytellers. This time, I was captured by the tales of the transplants. There was the lead bartender at Loa, who took a one way ticket to the city from Long Beach just after her 18th birthday a decade ago and never looked back. And Brian at The Circle Bar, another former Californian (a fact that could've easily been figured out if you'd only heard his pandora station which played between bands at the city mainstay), who told us about how he was only happy when working and, thus, worked in multiple bars while also spending his days as a contractor. And, last but not least, there was Rene, our waiter at Herbsaint, whose accent was some melange of creole and Brooklyn, and who seemed to be as of the Crescent as any local.

For someone like me who is so invested in and fortified by the power of the story, this kind of thing is intoxicating. This idea that whether over drinks, on public transportation, or while bruising my body doing mold remediation or learning how to drywall in the sweltering heat to remake a home for someone to come back to, I can count on my mind to be set ablaze with the fascinating tales of another, well, why would I want to leave that?

A week later and it calls to me. A month from now it still will. A year from now, when I get married there, it will ask why I'm leaving again. I'm running out of answers. When I see what needs to be done in the face of tragedy after tragedy in that part of our country, I'm also running out of excuses.

I can say with great confidence that If I'm lucky enough to stick around this big blue ball for more than a couple years, NOLA will one day be my home.

I haven't done the greatest work in my life yet and it feels more and more that that great work may be in Renewing New Orleans.

The hardest work I've done this year was the two days I spent in St. Bernard Parish but even with my lingering pains, even with the bug bites and exhaustion, even with all that, every time I return to my favorite city on Earth, it's always for pleasure.